Test Subject - 0154 - Journals - Discussion

[BlackRain]

You can read. No **** derailing my journal discussion, either, cockfucks.

[Phi]

A good couple minute read, I look forward to reading more.

[Twilightpersona]

Hope you start feeling better Albel, Hopefully things work out with you and Dawn at some point. It's obvious how much you care for her. Also, I believe patience has a different definition with some women. It seems more like your expected to do the right thing at the right time,nearly to perfection.

I suppose I'm not one to coach you on relationships since I have been through very few myself but sometimes waiting for them to come around works. Of course us guys aren't normally that patient especially when we truly care about them and just wish they would understand how we feel.

It's unfortunate Dawn won't talk to you. If you could talk to her, and she would actually listen, I think it would be the fastest way to patching things up between the two of you.

[BlackRain]

I won't start feeling better for awhile. I haven't hadmore than four hours of sleep in any one attempt at it in over a month, and, as my journals said, my body and mind are starting to give out on me. Half the time, I can't focus, and my joints and muscles ache constantly.

The rift between us won't be repaired. Ever. Sometimes, I fantasize about hearing a car pull up in my driveway, and looking out to see her climbing out of her mum's truck to come see me. But it's not gonna happen, not again.

I agree with you when you say that reasonable discussion is the best way to fix things, but, as I've said before, if she gets upset, she's incapable of thinking logically, like we can. It... just **** sucks, really. She's admitted she does this herself.

You wouldn't believe how much I miss her...

[Twilightpersona]

Well it's unfortunate you have all those pains, I wish I could have some input on that but I don't think I've experienced anything like it.

As for Dawn I'm going to assume you've done everything you can to fix things? If that's the case do you believe that you might have similar feelings for another girl you know?

[Parone92]

Have you tried reassuring her that she has nothing to be scared about with you? That you are trying to learn to be better for her?

It's a pity the value she doesn't see in being with you. Most humans aren't smart, and are too cliche like in the stories we write. Strange ho this also makes them predictable.

[BlackRain]

Yes, Ryan, Will. I've tried. Oh, trust me, I've tried, everything.

Will... Too early to ask that, mate. Just too damned early.

Ryan, she's Homo Obscuratis, like us, but it seems the circumstances that create us can sometimes make people unstable, volatile. Even more so than we already are, I mean.

[BlackRain]

There. More of my journals for you people to pillage, bastardize, and derail.

Learn something from my mistakes. >.>

[CrazyHobo]

I've been pondering on this matter for an hour: how could you have forgiven Dawn, if you can't forgive yourself?

There's a Buddhist praper of forgiveness, in its final verse, you ask yourself for forgiveness.

When I had my soul shattered by Katya, the most difficult part was forgiving myself for failing to get her. Took me a year, until I was finally able to let go of her and move on with my life. I hope it takes less time for you.

[BlackRain]

I forgave myself for my mistakes almost as quickly as I made them, mate. I don't go all mopey on my past actions. I go back and analyze them, sure. But I don't hold my failures against myself. I just use them as motivation to become better.

I will, however, go all emo over other people **** my **** up. Mainly because it's uncalled for and just rude. >.<

[CrazyHobo]

your jounal gives the impression that you haven't forgiven yourself.

[BlackRain]

The only thing I haven't forgiven myself for is being weak. For not following the Path. That is something worthy of holding off on forgiveness. Not many things are... But that is one of them.

[Twilightpersona]

Don't feel bad Albel, I don't even think I follow a path...I just do random **** and deal with any consequences later. Never seems to be very problematic however so I doubt that helps you.

[CrazyHobo]

The only thing I haven't forgiven myself for is being weak. For not following the Path. That is something worthy of holding off on forgiveness. Not many things are... But that is one of them.

I can never forigve myself for being weak. But I make up for it with training.

Trust me, Brother. Youth is not the age, when we shine the most. Adult life is where we thrive.

[BlackRain]

I know, Igor. You're just spoutin' **** off that I already know at this point. xD