Vorax and Hobo. Convesation log.

[CrazyHobo]

Recently I have been talking with Vorax about writing The Dragon "Bible". Due to time constraints, we are a bit busy with that (Archlord's quest is in fact the Bible we are working on, but we need to put it on hold for now), while I have noticed, that our Agents require more spiritual guidance these days (Won't lie, I tried to commit suicide last month). This leads me to posting the closest thing we have to a Dragon Bible - the journal of my conversations with Vorax.

Part 1

Skipper  Vorakull  greetings, Archlord
20/07/2010  00:24:24  Vorakull  Skipper  crazy?
20/07/2010  00:24:30  Skipper  Vorakull  yep
20/07/2010  00:24:45  Skipper  Vorakull  changed my name, since Doctor no longer suits me >_>
20/07/2010  00:25:14  Vorakull  Skipper  you seem to have grownt
20/07/2010  00:25:21  Skipper  Vorakull  perhaps
20/07/2010  00:25:39  Vorakull  Skipper  its hard to notice about oneself
20/07/2010  00:25:44  Skipper  Vorakull  sure is
20/07/2010  00:25:52  Skipper  Vorakull  which is why I keep diaries
20/07/2010  00:27:20  Skipper  Vorakull  and I'm still shocked at how drastically I change over the year
20/07/2010  00:27:39  Vorakull  Skipper  you are at puberty
20/07/2010  00:28:16  Skipper  Vorakull  still. The period from Autumn to the begining of this summer was a pure stage of decadence
20/07/2010  00:28:32  Vorakull  Skipper  whys that?
20/07/2010  00:29:23  Skipper  Vorakull  "**** kept hitting the fan" can be the short term, that doesnt need evaluation. The term "had no one in real life to spend time with, while had a tonn of haters" is longer and may require more evaluation
20/07/2010  00:30:09  Vorakull  Skipper  nothing happens by chance
20/07/2010  00:30:16  Vorakull  Skipper  or better stated, by casuality
20/07/2010  00:30:23  Vorakull  Skipper  all is causality
20/07/2010  00:31:12  Vorakull  Skipper  everything we are, the conjunction of thoughts, intentions, feelings, is a vibration
20/07/2010  00:31:16  Vorakull  Skipper  as an ecuation
20/07/2010  00:31:55  Vorakull  Skipper  that vibration in particular, always changing, constantly moves through reality, with is also vibrations, by rejecting and attracting other vibrations
20/07/2010  00:32:45  Vorakull  Skipper  so everything that seems to happen to you, and everyone you meet, and all those who youll find feel about you are merely a reflection of yourself
20/07/2010  00:33:09  Vorakull  Skipper  sometimes having a good imagination causes rejection from outside
20/07/2010  00:33:32  Vorakull  Skipper  what you can always choose is to damage yourself from the inside or protecting
20/07/2010  00:33:49  Skipper  Vorakull  sometimes, I dont really feel, like I have a choice
20/07/2010  00:34:16  Vorakull  Skipper  you always have infinite choices at future, buy only a very few are correct
20/07/2010  00:34:36  Vorakull  Skipper  and yo have none choice at past, so acept it and use it as information
20/07/2010  00:34:54  Vorakull  Skipper  you are flowing, be active
20/07/2010  00:35:09  Vorakull  Skipper  the less you try to change your curse the more youll suffer
20/07/2010  00:35:24  Vorakull  Skipper  we all have a perfect path to follow
20/07/2010  00:35:34  Vorakull  Skipper  we just dont listen to our inner guide
20/07/2010  00:35:58  Vorakull  Skipper  but theres a pure voice trying to make you understand whats the best course of action
20/07/2010  00:36:06  Vorakull  Skipper  the problem is you cant listen to it
20/07/2010  00:36:24  Vorakull  Skipper  because its in the middle of thousands of other voices you should learn to shut up
20/07/2010  00:36:32  Skipper  Vorakull  yeah...I recall, how I confused it with my alter-ego and silenced it
20/07/2010  00:37:26  Vorakull  Skipper  identify and subjugate all the ghosts voices, those ghosts that represents the impresions others made on you, from parents, teachers, friends, enemies, girls, etc
20/07/2010  00:37:43  Vorakull  Skipper  kick their asses and put them in a dungeon
20/07/2010  00:37:58  Vorakull  Skipper  the only voice remaining will be the superior one
20/07/2010  00:38:31  Skipper  Vorakull  out of curiosity. Is that superio one, by any chance, the Dragon Spirit?
20/07/2010  00:38:52  Vorakull  Skipper  its linked of course
20/07/2010  00:39:23  Vorakull  Skipper  its the superself
20/07/2010  00:40:02  Vorakull  Skipper  the dragon spirit would be an infinite source of energy, of willpower, which nurse the superself of all its followers
20/07/2010  00:40:11  Vorakull  Skipper  a way to unify all the superselves
20/07/2010  00:40:39  Vorakull  Skipper  making a clan as if one person
20/07/2010  00:41:05  Vorakull  Skipper  we are agents of the dragon spirit, manifesting his existence he gives us energy in return
20/07/2010  00:41:32  Skipper  Vorakull  and that energy fuels willpower, discipline and awareness?
20/07/2010  00:41:38  Vorakull  Skipper  exactly
20/07/2010  00:41:43  Skipper  Vorakull  hmm...strange
20/07/2010  00:41:52  Skipper  Vorakull  I always thought my willpower is fueled by my hatred
20/07/2010  00:42:08  Vorakull  Skipper  your hate is always toward yourself
20/07/2010  00:42:16  Vorakull  Skipper  your hate nurse your "shadow"
20/07/2010  00:42:28  Vorakull  Skipper  like an antiego
20/07/2010  00:42:32  Vorakull  Skipper  our own demon
20/07/2010  00:42:41  Vorakull  Skipper  wich destroy us
20/07/2010  00:42:56  Skipper  Vorakull  somehow, I always thought that demon kept saving me <_<
20/07/2010  00:43:07  Vorakull  Skipper  never give another person such importance as to hat e him
20/07/2010  00:43:23  Vorakull  Skipper  that should be a priviledge nobody deserves
20/07/2010  00:43:34  Vorakull  Skipper  think about this
20/07/2010  00:43:41  Vorakull  Skipper  if you hate someone
20/07/2010  00:43:52  Vorakull  Skipper  you are giving that person protagonism in your life
20/07/2010  00:44:15  Skipper  Vorakull  more antagonism, I would say
20/07/2010  00:44:16  Vorakull  Skipper  you would be allowing him/her/it to be even more important than you, to yourself
20/07/2010  00:44:24  Vorakull  Skipper  it doesnt make sense right?
20/07/2010  00:44:33  Skipper  Vorakull  no it doesnt, though it's true
20/07/2010  00:44:56  Vorakull  Skipper  you dont need to hate
20/07/2010  00:45:02  Vorakull  Skipper  hate is cancer
20/07/2010  00:45:22  Vorakull  Skipper  you only need to reflex about how you allowed something from outside to overcome you
20/07/2010  00:45:34  Vorakull  Skipper  how weak you still are
20/07/2010  00:45:38  Vorakull  Skipper  how to solve that
20/07/2010  00:45:52  Vorakull  Skipper  and how to reckoning
20/07/2010  00:46:01  Skipper  Vorakull  there's only one problem I see here
20/07/2010  00:46:15  Vorakull  Skipper  avenge your dignity, but with cold heart and ordered mind
20/07/2010  00:46:47  Skipper  Vorakull  when I do physical excersices, the only thing driving me to push harder is all the hatred and rage in my mind. When I think of the good things during training, I work less harder
20/07/2010  00:47:14  Vorakull  Skipper  I never said you need to think on "good things"
20/07/2010  00:47:42  Vorakull  Skipper  I trying to make you understand the advantages of the "middle way" or "empty mind"
20/07/2010  00:48:04  Vorakull  Skipper  if you need those thoughts and feelings to excersice
20/07/2010  00:48:13  Vorakull  Skipper  you are attaching them to what you do
20/07/2010  00:48:16  Vorakull  Skipper  so you rely on them
20/07/2010  00:48:19  Vorakull  Skipper  thats wrong
20/07/2010  00:48:26  Vorakull  Skipper  do it because you can
20/07/2010  00:48:29  Vorakull  Skipper  thats willpower
20/07/2010  00:49:05  Vorakull  Skipper  the objetive of exercise shouldnt be neither health, or appareance improvements, nor burning strong emotions
20/07/2010  00:49:15  Vorakull  Skipper  the objetive of exercising should always be
20/07/2010  00:49:18  Vorakull  Skipper  exercising per se
20/07/2010  00:49:26  Vorakull  Skipper  thats discipline
20/07/2010  00:49:37  Vorakull  Skipper  you do it because you do it
20/07/2010  00:50:03  Vorakull  Skipper  anything else is a problem, something that shouldnt be
20/07/2010  00:50:03  Skipper  Vorakull  without enthusiasm?
20/07/2010  00:50:27  Vorakull  Skipper  you are confusing feelings with enthusiasm
20/07/2010  00:50:33  Vorakull  Skipper  put enthusiasm into it
20/07/2010  00:50:35  Vorakull  Skipper  but
20/07/2010  00:50:45  Vorakull  Skipper  empty your motives
20/07/2010  00:50:48  Vorakull  Skipper  your reasons
20/07/2010  00:50:52  Skipper  Vorakull  sorry, wrong button >_>
20/07/2010  00:51:14  Vorakull  Skipper  you dont need a motive, a reason, to feel enthusiasm about physical excersising
20/07/2010  00:51:34  Vorakull  Skipper  you dont need mental pictures tu push yourself harder
20/07/2010  00:51:47  Vorakull  Skipper  you only need to be your own superior
20/07/2010  00:51:57  Vorakull  Skipper  you should make yourself go forward
20/07/2010  00:52:29  Skipper  Vorakull  shout to myself "keep going"?
20/07/2010  00:52:36  Vorakull  Skipper  as an invisible military superior who doesnt allow you to indulge when tired or depressed
20/07/2010  00:52:40  Vorakull  Skipper  right
20/07/2010  00:52:41  Vorakull  Skipper  thats all
20/07/2010  00:53:06  Skipper  Vorakull  makes sense
20/07/2010  00:53:23  Vorakull  Skipper  ddont rely on inner ****, bad emeories, frustrations ad other negative feelings to push you ofrward
20/07/2010  00:53:24  Skipper  Vorakull  I work especially hard, when someone's ordering me to work harder
20/07/2010  00:53:31  Vorakull  Skipper  exactly
20/07/2010  00:53:33  Vorakull  Skipper  order yourself
20/07/2010  00:53:37  Vorakull  Skipper  thats the only way
20/07/2010  00:53:46  Vorakull  Skipper  you will be able to be your own boss in life
20/07/2010  00:53:48  Vorakull  Skipper  otherwise
20/07/2010  00:53:56  Vorakull  Skipper  youll always rely on others
20/07/2010  00:54:11  Skipper  Vorakull  that's how to be a lone wolf?
20/07/2010  00:54:23  Vorakull  Skipper  the way I see it
20/07/2010  00:54:26  Vorakull  Skipper  we are all alone
20/07/2010  00:54:28  Vorakull  Skipper  always
20/07/2010  00:54:32  Vorakull  Skipper  believing you are not
20/07/2010  00:54:45  Vorakull  Skipper  is to be trapped in the ilussion
20/07/2010  00:54:57  Vorakull  Skipper  you dont choose to be alone or not
20/07/2010  00:55:12  Vorakull  Skipper  you choose to acept it or to evade the awareness
20/07/2010  00:55:23  Vorakull  Skipper  thats what di ver sion means
20/07/2010  00:55:29  Vorakull  Skipper  to deflect attention
20/07/2010  00:55:45  Vorakull  Skipper  accepting you are alone
20/07/2010  00:55:54  Vorakull  Skipper  is what gives you the caine mark
20/07/2010  00:56:08  Vorakull  Skipper  what cause fear on those who will not accept their own loneliness
20/07/2010  00:56:21  Skipper  Vorakull  the mark, that destroys anyone, who attacks the one with the mark?
20/07/2010  00:56:36  Vorakull  Skipper  but thats what will also attract the kind of persons youll want to meet
20/07/2010  00:56:38  Vorakull  Skipper  exactly
20/07/2010  00:56:45  Skipper  Vorakull  so let me get this straight
20/07/2010  00:56:49  Skipper  Vorakull  we're always alone?
20/07/2010  00:56:54  Skipper  Vorakull  what about love couples?
20/07/2010  00:57:00  Vorakull  Skipper  what about it?
20/07/2010  00:57:06  Skipper  Vorakull  they're also alone?
20/07/2010  00:57:08  Vorakull  Skipper  is one inside the other?
20/07/2010  00:57:15  Vorakull  Skipper  are their thoughts and feelings the same?
20/07/2010  00:57:20  Skipper  Vorakull  sometimes
20/07/2010  00:57:25  Vorakull  Skipper  or merely compatible for a time?
20/07/2010  00:57:35  Vorakull  Skipper  is one the other?
20/07/2010  00:57:42  Vorakull  Skipper  are those two people...one people?
20/07/2010  00:57:53  Skipper  Vorakull  no...there's a difference between them
20/07/2010  00:57:57  Vorakull  Skipper  even more important
20/07/2010  00:58:02  Vorakull  Skipper  when they die
20/07/2010  00:58:11  Vorakull  Skipper  who is inside that mind
20/07/2010  00:58:13  Vorakull  Skipper  dying?
20/07/2010  00:58:37  Vorakull  Skipper  we born and die alone
20/07/2010  00:58:43  Vorakull  Skipper  its our natural state
20/07/2010  00:58:51  Vorakull  Skipper  partnership is a distraction
20/07/2010  00:59:02  Vorakull  Skipper  sometimes the distraction is ok
20/07/2010  00:59:08  Vorakull  Skipper  because we are here to learn
20/07/2010  00:59:27  Vorakull  Skipper  but you shouldnt forget it
20/07/2010  00:59:57  Skipper  Vorakull  being alone, means being unique?
20/07/2010  01:00:13  Vorakull  Skipper  yes
20/07/2010  01:00:21  Vorakull  Skipper  thats accurate
20/07/2010  01:00:45  Skipper  Vorakull  and when a group of people stick together all the time, they're still alone and confuse themselves into thinking they're not?
20/07/2010  01:02:39  Vorakull  Skipper  yes, they unify their subconciousness into a collectivity, contributing with a promedial mind, giving away the individuality for the duration of mass hystery
20/07/2010  01:02:58  Skipper  Vorakull  they sacrifice individuality?
20/07/2010  01:03:15  Vorakull  Skipper  Im personally against merging myself with masses reactions
20/07/2010  01:03:37  Vorakull  Skipper  yes, by chemist reaction
20/07/2010  01:04:05  Vorakull  Skipper  the more people claiming the same, the stronger the adrenaline and endorphine rush
20/07/2010  01:04:35  Vorakull  Skipper  both natural drugs provokes strenght, uninhibition and pleasure
20/07/2010  01:05:04  Vorakull  Skipper  but it disallows us to react different from the collective subconciouss pulse, and impulse
20/07/2010  01:05:06  Vorakull  Skipper  you see?
20/07/2010  01:05:27  Skipper  Vorakull  trying to comprehend this.
20/07/2010  01:05:31  Vorakull  Skipper  thats what zombies are
20/07/2010  01:05:40  Skipper  Vorakull  I was about to say that
20/07/2010  01:05:44  Vorakull  Skipper  one collective subconciousness
20/07/2010  01:05:52  Vorakull  Skipper  working as one subject
20/07/2010  01:05:58  Vorakull  Skipper  using each body as an agent
20/07/2010  01:06:06  Vorakull  Skipper  how we fight them
20/07/2010  01:06:39  Vorakull  Skipper  we became a sum of strong individuals united by a superior agent which doesnt permit us to indulge into human weakness
20/07/2010  01:06:50  Vorakull  Skipper  Im mixing here fiction and reality, as you can notice
20/07/2010  01:07:06  Vorakull  Skipper  but I think I may use this you make me explain in the story
20/07/2010  01:07:08  Skipper  Vorakull  well atleast it makes a clearer picture
20/07/2010  01:07:09  Vorakull  Skipper  what do you think?
20/07/2010  01:07:38  Skipper  Vorakull  so the people I consider "jackals" in school are actually zombies.
20/07/2010  01:07:58  Skipper  Vorakull  amazing, isnt it?
20/07/2010  01:08:02  Vorakull  Skipper  as long as they cant disattach from the need to be part of a group they are
20/07/2010  01:08:13  Vorakull  Skipper  they need to feel the belong 
20/07/2010  01:08:27  Skipper  Vorakull  well let's just say they stop being themselves, when they are not in their group
20/07/2010  01:08:44  Vorakull  Skipper  no
20/07/2010  01:08:50  Vorakull  Skipper  its the other way around
20/07/2010  01:09:11  Vorakull  Skipper  they only are turly themselves when they are not reunited as a group
20/07/2010  01:09:32  Vorakull  Skipper  thats why you must accept your loneliness, not with resignation nor resentment but with dignity
20/07/2010  01:10:03  Vorakull  Skipper  "Poor he who depends on others to find its pleasure"
20/07/2010  01:10:12  Skipper  Vorakull  hey, your right. It makes total sense, that individuality is born out of loneliness
20/07/2010  01:10:26  Vorakull  Skipper  you are closing it in your head
20/07/2010  01:10:28  Vorakull  Skipper  good
20/07/2010  01:10:35  Vorakull  Skipper  it made a circle
20/07/2010  01:10:40  Vorakull  Skipper  in your mind
20/07/2010  01:11:10  Skipper  Vorakull  but one thing is still bothering me
20/07/2010  01:11:16  Vorakull  Skipper  tell me
20/07/2010  01:12:01  Skipper  Vorakull  I came back from a camp, where I met some awesome people, that were pretty much like me. And I just feel kinda bad without them, because it was like I had 30 copies of myself in one room
20/07/2010  01:12:14  Vorakull  Skipper  ha
20/07/2010  01:12:21  Vorakull  Skipper  ok, so?
20/07/2010  01:12:37  Skipper  Vorakull  I miss them
20/07/2010  01:12:47  Skipper  Vorakull  badl
20/07/2010  01:12:49  Skipper  Vorakull  *badly
20/07/2010  01:12:51  Vorakull  Skipper  why?
20/07/2010  01:13:11  Skipper  Vorakull  because, I kinda felt myself, as if I finally found someone to hang out with
20/07/2010  01:13:13  Vorakull  Skipper  is there anything about you that went with them?
20/07/2010  01:13:16  Vorakull  Skipper  in their ausence
20/07/2010  01:13:28  Skipper  Vorakull  yeah, pretty much
20/07/2010  01:13:29  Vorakull  Skipper  theres anything yours who is absent too?
20/07/2010  01:13:36  Vorakull  Skipper  really?
20/07/2010  01:13:40  Vorakull  Skipper  be honest, not romantic
20/07/2010  01:14:01  Skipper  Vorakull  well let's just say, we all accepted and respected each other
20/07/2010  01:14:09  Vorakull  Skipper  dont rely on energy created on the past
20/07/2010  01:14:23  Vorakull  Skipper  because that cripples yo from creating new energy in the present
20/07/2010  01:14:25  Skipper  Vorakull  for who we are, and we just loved each other for being ourselves
20/07/2010  01:14:34  Vorakull  Skipper  no thats a lie
20/07/2010  01:14:45  Skipper  Vorakull  another illusion of being a group?
20/07/2010  01:14:50  Vorakull  Skipper  think about it
20/07/2010  01:15:00  Vorakull  Skipper  how can you tell me
20/07/2010  01:15:06  Vorakull  Skipper  you loved each other
20/07/2010  01:15:10  Vorakull  Skipper  and respected each other
20/07/2010  01:15:24  Vorakull  Skipper  if you cant feel those things for yourself when you are alone?
20/07/2010  01:15:30  Vorakull  Skipper  hows that even possible?
20/07/2010  01:15:39  Vorakull  Skipper  you are giving away something you dont have?
20/07/2010  01:15:49  Vorakull  Skipper  you ae receiving something they dont have?
20/07/2010  01:16:08  Skipper  Vorakull  wait, so your asking me how I cant respect and love myself, but at the same time respect and love someone else?
20/07/2010  01:16:16  Vorakull  Skipper  no
20/07/2010  01:16:23  Vorakull  Skipper  how can you miss them
20/07/2010  01:16:31  Vorakull  Skipper  if what you felt whas yours
20/07/2010  01:16:35  Vorakull  Skipper  it born inside you
20/07/2010  01:16:39  Vorakull  Skipper  and is still there
20/07/2010  01:16:57  Vorakull  Skipper  how can you love and respect others with honesty
20/07/2010  01:17:09  Skipper  Vorakull  if I'm not honest with myself?
20/07/2010  01:17:17  Vorakull  Skipper  if you arent in perfect terms with yourself?
20/07/2010  01:17:48  Vorakull  Skipper  you can give anything to others you dont give to yourselv firsthand
20/07/2010  01:17:52  Vorakull  Skipper  cant*
20/07/2010  01:18:29  Skipper  Vorakull  I dont really know
20/07/2010  01:18:36  Vorakull  Skipper  wait 
20/07/2010  01:18:37  Skipper  Vorakull  guess there's still a lot to learn

[CrazyHobo]

Part 2

27/09/2010  22:40:23  Игорь  Vorakull  the Archlord?
27/09/2010  22:40:37  Vorakull  Игорь  who else?
27/09/2010  22:40:49  Игорь  Vorakull  well, maybe a doppelganger?
27/09/2010  22:41:09  Vorakull  Игорь  I sent u an email long time ago
27/09/2010  22:41:14  Vorakull  Игорь  have you received it?
27/09/2010  22:41:28  Игорь  Vorakull  about what to redo in day 1?
27/09/2010  22:41:41  Vorakull  Игорь  yes
27/09/2010  22:41:49  Игорь  Vorakull  yes, that was done long ago
27/09/2010  22:41:56  Vorakull  Игорь  more than what to redo how to complete it
27/09/2010  22:42:16  Игорь  Vorakull  yeah, and then after that, things in life got out of control
27/09/2010  22:42:34  Vorakull  Игорь  how are you now?
27/09/2010  22:42:41  Игорь  Vorakull  hard to tell
27/09/2010  22:42:50  Игорь  Vorakull  I quit DF and all things related to it
27/09/2010  22:43:59  Vorakull  Игорь  are you willing to continue the sttory whenever you are up to?
27/09/2010  22:44:15  Игорь  Vorakull  sadly, no
27/09/2010  22:44:27  Игорь  Vorakull  I cant find any motivation to continue writing
27/09/2010  22:45:03  Vorakull  Игорь  well
27/09/2010  22:45:18  Vorakull  Игорь  the motivation should be to read the story complete
27/09/2010  22:45:29  Игорь  Vorakull  honestly, I dont know what happened
27/09/2010  22:45:35  Игорь  Vorakull  I cant even meditate anymore
27/09/2010  22:47:14  Игорь  Vorakull  that tantra you tought me. It doesnt work anymore
27/09/2010  22:47:24  Vorakull  Игорь  it always works
27/09/2010  22:47:31  Vorakull  Игорь  its your mind playing tricks
27/09/2010  22:48:29  Игорь  Vorakull  ok then, please educate me, because I feel, like I have gotten stray from the Dragon way >_>
27/09/2010  22:48:54  Vorakull  Игорь  you are feeling yourself as victim of your enviroment
27/09/2010  22:49:04  Игорь  Vorakull  exactly
27/09/2010  22:49:15  Vorakull  Игорь  while you must always have in mind its you who victimize yourself
27/09/2010  22:49:26  Vorakull  Игорь  exterior factors are always illusory
27/09/2010  22:49:36  Игорь  Vorakull  I know that, but I cant comprehend that
27/09/2010  22:50:15  Vorakull  Игорь  when you are willing to admit absolute responsability for all your acts and their consequences, you are ready to control every aspect of your life
27/09/2010  22:50:47  Игорь  Vorakull  and how do you tell, whether you are willing to admit?
27/09/2010  22:50:50  Vorakull  Игорь  see it this way, what you think you are is the 10% of what you really are
27/09/2010  22:51:08  Vorakull  Игорь  the 90% sparing is your subconciousness
27/09/2010  22:51:20  Vorakull  Игорь  there it resides your super self
27/09/2010  22:51:30  Vorakull  Игорь  which is immortal and wise
27/09/2010  22:51:46  Vorakull  Игорь  you are a mere puppet who last less than a second for your true self
27/09/2010  22:51:55  Vorakull  Игорь  it uses you to learn things he cant by himself
27/09/2010  22:52:14  Vorakull  Игорь  as He is so much pure, he can interact directly with this material realm
27/09/2010  22:52:17  Игорь  Vorakull  wait, so must I learn to shape myself into my true self, or must I learn to be it's slave?
27/09/2010  22:52:49  Vorakull  Игорь  you must learn to empty yourself from worries so he can achieve the mission
27/09/2010  22:52:52  Vorakull  Игорь  through you
27/09/2010  22:53:04  Vorakull  Игорь  you are merely the 10% of it
27/09/2010  22:53:11  Vorakull  Игорь  the rest, is not something apart from you
27/09/2010  22:53:20  Игорь  Vorakull  it's something hidden?
27/09/2010  22:53:30  Vorakull  Игорь  you hide it
27/09/2010  22:53:36  Vorakull  Игорь  you was wiser when you were a child
27/09/2010  22:53:38  Vorakull  Игорь  but yes
27/09/2010  22:53:41  Vorakull  Игорь  part of the mission
27/09/2010  22:53:46  Vorakull  Игорь  is forgeting the objetive
27/09/2010  22:54:05  Vorakull  Игорь  so you dont avoi or ignore all aspects not directly related to your current mission
27/09/2010  22:54:10  Vorakull  Игорь  and so, you learn better
27/09/2010  22:54:15  Игорь  Vorakull  I thought the mission was to eventually move on to the next step of evolution through reincarnation
27/09/2010  22:54:36  Vorakull  Игорь  you are already there
27/09/2010  22:54:38  Vorakull  Игорь  already dead
27/09/2010  22:54:45  Vorakull  Игорь  your life has a meaning
27/09/2010  22:54:49  Vorakull  Игорь  to earn something specific
27/09/2010  22:55:02  Vorakull  Игорь  thats why you chosed to born how you did
27/09/2010  22:56:28  Vorakull  Игорь  read lobsang rampa
27/09/2010  22:56:33  Vorakull  Игорь  I left a link on the forum
27/09/2010  22:56:34  Игорь  Vorakull  read the first book
27/09/2010  22:56:39  Vorakull  Игорь  you liked it?
27/09/2010  22:56:40  Игорь  Vorakull  already saved the all on my PC
27/09/2010  22:56:50  Игорь  Vorakull  yes, I adored it. Read the whole thing in one night
27/09/2010  22:56:55  Vorakull  Игорь  really?
27/09/2010  22:56:59  Игорь  Vorakull  well, no
27/09/2010  22:57:03  Vorakull  Игорь  I used to read one every two days
27/09/2010  22:57:06  Игорь  Vorakull  only the first quarter
27/09/2010  22:57:20  Игорь  Vorakull  then school started and I forgot about it >_>
27/09/2010  22:57:30  Vorakull  Игорь  well, read them all
27/09/2010  22:57:46  Vorakull  Игорь  and dare to practice the exercises he presents
27/09/2010  22:57:51  Игорь  Vorakull  ok, but then what? I still cant meditate
27/09/2010  22:58:00  Vorakull  Игорь  dont you worry
27/09/2010  22:58:04  Vorakull  Игорь  just read those books
27/09/2010  22:58:26  Vorakull  Игорь  they will gradually guide you to equilibrium
27/09/2010  22:58:51  Игорь  Vorakull  I do hope so. But sure as hell doesnt sound right to me, to rely on something, other then myself >_>
27/09/2010  22:59:14  Vorakull  Игорь  its a guide
27/09/2010  22:59:23  Vorakull  Игорь  nothing artificial
27/09/2010  22:59:32  Игорь  Vorakull  well, if you put it that way
27/09/2010  22:59:48  Vorakull  Игорь  it will depend on you, ultimately, what you do with that information
27/09/2010  23:00:02  Игорь  Vorakull  ok, just one more question
27/09/2010  23:00:38  Игорь  Vorakull  I have recently discovered, that my emotions occasionally take control of me. Is there any chance those books will help me make it the other way around? If not, what can help my situation?
27/09/2010  23:01:21  Vorakull  Игорь  those books contains all the information you may require to perform everything you cant now
27/09/2010  23:01:44  Vorakull  Игорь  I could suggest you several kind of exercises, but I also have to tell you its a process
27/09/2010  23:01:55  Vorakull  Игорь  start remembering something that makes you really happy
27/09/2010  23:02:07  Vorakull  Игорь  and remember your gesture and chemistry
27/09/2010  23:02:20  Vorakull  Игорь  then think on something it makes you sad, or ungry
27/09/2010  23:02:34  Vorakull  Игорь  but force yourself to use your "happy configuration"
27/09/2010  23:02:46  Vorakull  Игорь  youll feel a change
27/09/2010  23:02:52  Игорь  Vorakull  think of good, then switch to bad, while being in the good mood?
27/09/2010  23:02:59  Vorakull  Игорь  yes
27/09/2010  23:03:02  Vorakull  Игорь  and then
27/09/2010  23:03:08  Vorakull  Игорь  when something bad happens to you
27/09/2010  23:03:13  Vorakull  Игорь  you re activate it
27/09/2010  23:03:34  Vorakull  Игорь  you simply act as you did on your best moments
27/09/2010  23:03:43  Vorakull  Игорь  you can also do it backwards
27/09/2010  23:03:52  Игорь  Vorakull  and what will that result in?
27/09/2010  23:03:54  Vorakull  Игорь  using your shitty configuration on good moments
27/09/2010  23:04:00  Vorakull  Игорь  so you achieve a balance
27/09/2010  23:04:22  Vorakull  Игорь  remember, the wisedom is located at the middle point of every spectre of oposites
27/09/2010  23:04:45  Игорь  Vorakull  so the ultimate goal is to be cold hearted and cunning?
27/09/2010  23:04:52  Vorakull  Игорь  something like that
27/09/2010  23:05:13  Vorakull  Игорь  you will learn to create the perfect contexts to let your feelings get loose
27/09/2010  23:05:17  Vorakull  Игорь  but never to extremes
27/09/2010  23:05:30  Vorakull  Игорь  the objetive is to remain calm no matter the external situation
27/09/2010  23:06:03  Игорь  Vorakull  thank you for the instructions. now the final questions. What happens with the story about Hobo's diary?
27/09/2010  23:06:16  Vorakull  Игорь  ll see what to do
27/09/2010  23:06:18  Vorakull  Игорь  Ihave to go now
27/09/2010  23:06:22  Игорь  Vorakull  so do I
27/09/2010  23:06:27  Vorakull  Игорь  see ya then
27/09/2010  23:06:31  Игорь  Vorakull  until next time, V

[CrazyHobo]

Part 3a

16.02.2011  21:10:45  Игорь  Vorakull  isn't it ironic, that my name is crazy hobo, yet I am one of the most docile members?
16.02.2011  21:11:18  Игорь  Vorakull  while a serious role player is a whacko?
16.02.2011  21:11:54  Vorakull  Игорь  Im probably the most serious of the roleplayers
16.02.2011  21:12:07  Игорь  Vorakull  you sure are
16.02.2011  21:12:10  Vorakull  Игорь  that woud make me King Whacko?
16.02.2011  21:12:12  Игорь  Vorakull  but your abcent
16.02.2011  21:12:15  Vorakull  Игорь  probably
16.02.2011  21:12:23  Игорь  Vorakull  no, I didn't mean to offend
16.02.2011  21:12:30  Vorakull  Игорь  haha
16.02.2011  21:12:34  Vorakull  Игорь  I didnt take any offense
16.02.2011  21:12:35  Игорь  Vorakull  I'm just saying, that a person that acts cool, is actually crazy deep inside
16.02.2011  21:13:03  Vorakull  Игорь  yes well
16.02.2011  21:13:51  Vorakull  Игорь  I may believe everyone is crazy, and a cool person may play a bit more with appareances
16.02.2011  21:14:07  Игорь  Vorakull  also true
16.02.2011  21:14:25  Игорь  Vorakull  I myself give in to whackiness when in a good mood
16.02.2011  21:16:07  Игорь  Vorakull  which has been happening a bit too often lately >_>
16.02.2011  21:16:28  Vorakull  Игорь  thats unusual
16.02.2011  21:16:37  Vorakull  Игорь  dont panic
16.02.2011  21:16:38  Vorakull  Игорь  enjoy
16.02.2011  21:16:45  Игорь  Vorakull  I try
16.02.2011  21:17:02  Игорь  Vorakull  though I have been subject to drastic mood changes in the recent months
16.02.2011  21:17:30  Игорь  Vorakull  I even recall one day, when I went from cheerful to suicidal in a matter of hours
16.02.2011  21:18:27  Vorakull  Игорь  I rememer those times
16.02.2011  21:18:43  Vorakull  Игорь  Im geting older
16.02.2011  21:18:50  Игорь  Vorakull  wait, you were thinking about suicide in the past?
16.02.2011  21:19:04  Vorakull  Игорь  so my madness is refined
16.02.2011  21:19:21  Vorakull  Игорь  Im maniac-depressive
16.02.2011  21:19:34  Игорь  Vorakull  isn't that strange?
16.02.2011  21:19:45  Vorakull  Игорь  my mind is so complex it tortures me
16.02.2011  21:19:55  Игорь  Vorakull  I always found you to be the most strong willed and inpirational person in the world, yet you were also subject to self hatred?
16.02.2011  21:20:06  Vorakull  Игорь  of course
16.02.2011  21:20:19  Vorakull  Игорь  havent you heard about Eros and Thanos?
16.02.2011  21:20:23  Игорь  Vorakull  no
16.02.2011  21:20:29  Игорь  Vorakull  not that I recall
16.02.2011  21:20:53  Vorakull  Игорь  well, those are the greek names for the god of life and the god of death
16.02.2011  21:21:02  Игорь  Vorakull  that I know
16.02.2011  21:21:10  Игорь  Vorakull  but I do not know the stories behind them
16.02.2011  21:21:14  Vorakull  Игорь  from those names derives the words erotic and thanatic
16.02.2011  21:21:26  Игорь  Vorakull  ok
16.02.2011  21:21:27  Vorakull  Игорь  (research)
16.02.2011  21:21:30  Vorakull  Игорь  anyway
16.02.2011  21:21:47  Vorakull  Игорь  the more intense one of those tendecies is
16.02.2011  21:22:06  Vorakull  Игорь  the more it sinercly nurses the other
16.02.2011  21:22:52  Игорь  Vorakull  and what does this have to do with hating oneself?
16.02.2011  21:23:10  Vorakull  Игорь  I thought it was obvious
16.02.2011  21:23:17  Vorakull  Игорь  I dont hate myself
16.02.2011  21:23:21  Vorakull  Игорь  I love myself
16.02.2011  21:23:30  Vorakull  Игорь  but I hate to be incarnated as human
16.02.2011  21:23:33  Vorakull  Игорь  I hate humankind
16.02.2011  21:23:39  Игорь  Vorakull  oh
16.02.2011  21:23:45  Игорь  Vorakull  so that's how it is?
16.02.2011  21:23:58  Vorakull  Игорь  Im waiting the zombies
16.02.2011  21:24:07  Vorakull  Игорь  I just want to be one of the last
16.02.2011  21:24:16  Vorakull  Игорь  to witness how everything dissapear
16.02.2011  21:24:32  Игорь  Vorakull  for what purpose?
16.02.2011  21:24:34  Vorakull  Игорь  my highest hope is extinction
16.02.2011  21:24:42  Игорь  Vorakull  what do you gain out of it?
16.02.2011  21:24:56  Vorakull  Игорь  freedom
16.02.2011  21:25:13  Игорь  Vorakull  and what use is this freedom?
16.02.2011  21:25:35  Vorakull  Игорь  theres no suffering
16.02.2011  21:25:51  Игорь  Vorakull  doesn't freemod breed loneliness?
16.02.2011  21:26:01  Игорь  Vorakull  *freedom
16.02.2011  21:26:35  Vorakull  Игорь  indeed, but you are still on this material plane point of view
16.02.2011  21:26:51  Vorakull  Игорь  try to imagine when nobody has a body
16.02.2011  21:27:20  Игорь  Vorakull  I imagine a floating gray mist
16.02.2011  21:28:07  Vorakull  Игорь  and your mind as such?
16.02.2011  21:28:13  Игорь  Vorakull  everywhere?
16.02.2011  21:28:15  Vorakull  Игорь  a mind with no need of words
16.02.2011  21:28:54  Vorakull  Игорь  I would never suicide myself
16.02.2011  21:29:01  Vorakull  Игорь  its the worst sin
16.02.2011  21:29:28  Vorakull  Игорь  but Im not afraid of dying through my learning route
16.02.2011  21:29:37  Игорь  Vorakull  but why is it the worst?
16.02.2011  21:30:17  Vorakull  Игорь  because you are personally interrupting your own "big plan"
16.02.2011  21:30:36  Игорь  Vorakull  and what if I have no "big plan"?
16.02.2011  21:30:45  Vorakull  Игорь  not you
16.02.2011  21:30:47  Vorakull  Игорь  YOU
16.02.2011  21:30:52  Игорь  Vorakull  ooooooh
16.02.2011  21:30:54  Vorakull  Игорь  behing you
16.02.2011  21:30:55  Игорь  Vorakull  the true self?
16.02.2011  21:30:59  Vorakull  Игорь  exactly
16.02.2011  21:31:05  Игорь  Vorakull  that's the whole point?
16.02.2011  21:31:29  Игорь  Vorakull  the true self is puppetering the me-self to do it's bidding?
16.02.2011  21:31:36  Vorakull  Игорь  right
16.02.2011  21:31:50  Игорь  Vorakull  and my only way to break free from his will is to kill myself?
16.02.2011  21:32:03  Vorakull  Игорь  nooooo
16.02.2011  21:32:13  Vorakull  Игорь  exactly the contrary
16.02.2011  21:32:20  Vorakull  Игорь  if you kill yourself
16.02.2011  21:32:22  Игорь  Vorakull  I'm giving in to his will that way?
16.02.2011  21:32:30  Vorakull  Игорь  your true self wont have choice
16.02.2011  21:32:42  Vorakull  Игорь  you must empty your self
16.02.2011  21:33:01  Vorakull  Игорь  to become your real self
16.02.2011  21:33:15  Игорь  Vorakull  and how do you empty your self?
16.02.2011  21:33:24  Vorakull  Игорь  he is your maximun potential
16.02.2011  21:33:42  Vorakull  Игорь  yourself on "angel mode"
16.02.2011  21:34:05  Vorakull  Игорь  you empty yourself disciplining your mind to silence the voices
16.02.2011  21:34:25  Vorakull  Игорь  when you hush all the voices in your head
16.02.2011  21:34:32  Vorakull  Игорь  youll be one with your superself
16.02.2011  21:35:02  Игорь  Vorakull  I often hear voices of my dreams, of people I find interesting, of girls I want to have sex with. those are the voices, that must be silented?
16.02.2011  21:36:05  Vorakull  Игорь  those, and your parent voices, and the voices of all the people youve met, and the people you imagine you could met, and the voices that sounds like your own
16.02.2011  21:36:17  Vorakull  Игорь  your head is a constant chaotic party
16.02.2011  21:36:24  Игорь  Vorakull  it sure is
16.02.2011  21:36:31  Vorakull  Игорь  make them hush when you want
16.02.2011  21:36:41  Vorakull  Игорь  find the interruptor, the switch
16.02.2011  21:36:52  Игорь  Vorakull  and that's why we must meditate?
16.02.2011  21:37:05  Vorakull  Игорь  exactly
1

[CrazyHobo]

Part 3b

16.02.2011  21:37:38  Игорь  Vorakull  could you suggest me a new technique? Tantra no longer suits me, as my imagination has ceased to amuse me
16.02.2011  21:37:40  Vorakull  Игорь  to develop the ability to turn on and off our voices and other systems
16.02.2011  21:37:49  Vorakull  Игорь  Zen
16.02.2011  21:37:52  Vorakull  Игорь  saZen
16.02.2011  21:38:00  Игорь  Vorakull  where did you learn them?
16.02.2011  21:38:30  Vorakull  Игорь  from my own master, in old days
16.02.2011  21:38:46  Vorakull  Игорь  but Ill go to a temple when I return from the coast
16.02.2011  21:39:43  Игорь  Vorakull  well lucky you
16.02.2011  21:39:52  Игорь  Vorakull  there are no Zen temples around my vicinitty
16.02.2011  21:39:54  Vorakull  Игорь  in the meanwhile
16.02.2011  21:39:58  Vorakull  Игорь  research about it
16.02.2011  21:40:05  Vorakull  Игорь  read and practice  
16.02.2011  21:40:24  Игорь  Vorakull  it is possible to learn Zen through a book, right?
16.02.2011  21:41:08  Vorakull  Игорь  at least some basis
16.02.2011  21:41:14  Vorakull  Игорь  I believe is better than nothing
16.02.2011  21:41:23  Игорь  Vorakull  at least that is true
16.02.2011  21:41:41  Игорь  Vorakull  Vorax, thank you for giving me a proper purpose for spending time now
16.02.2011  21:41:54  Vorakull  Игорь  my pleasure
16.02.2011  21:42:34  Игорь  Vorakull  honestly, the past months have been a waste of time by asking myself question, like "why was I born?", "What is the meaning of life?" and other non-sense
16.02.2011  21:43:01  Vorakull  Игорь  its part of the plan you ignore those things
16.02.2011  21:43:11  Игорь  Vorakull  I only now understand that
16.02.2011  21:44:09  Vorakull  Игорь  try not to distract your mind so much, channel your impulses to production or creativity
16.02.2011  21:44:45  Игорь  Vorakull  even though those impulses are sporadic?
16.02.2011  21:45:54  Vorakull  Игорь  discipline yourself to be above non programmed impulses
16.02.2011  21:46:23  Игорь  Vorakull  and how do you tell the difference between a non-programmed and programmed impulse?
16.02.2011  21:46:33  Vorakull  Игорь  program your possible reactions to extreme circumstances and reserve your energy on diary situations
16.02.2011  21:47:00  Vorakull  Игорь  because you are aware of your programmed impulses
16.02.2011  21:47:19  Vorakull  Игорь  you visualize them before doing them, thats the point on programming one self
16.02.2011  21:47:36  Игорь  Vorakull  you mean trying to understand how I will react under a certain situation?
16.02.2011  21:48:34  Vorakull  Игорь  not merely understand, but research thew best possible reaction and train it
16.02.2011  21:48:50  Игорь  Vorakull  and that's discipline?
16.02.2011  21:49:00  Vorakull  Игорь  its what training represents for your body
16.02.2011  21:49:03  Vorakull  Игорь  but for the mind
16.02.2011  21:49:24  Игорь  Vorakull  you know, you should write a **** bible or something for studying the Dragon way, you know that?
16.02.2011  21:50:13  Vorakull  Игорь  discipline is the acquirement of habits
16.02.2011  21:50:30  Vorakull  Игорь  mmm, probably, sadly, I dont have the time
16.02.2011  21:50:36  Игорь  Vorakull  sadly indeed
16.02.2011  21:50:54  Vorakull  Игорь  thats why I would like to rely on you
16.02.2011  21:51:04  Игорь  Vorakull  you want me to write the Dragon bible?
16.02.2011  21:51:19  Vorakull  Игорь  thats what we were doing while writing the story
16.02.2011  21:51:22  Vorakull  Игорь  in a way
16.02.2011  21:51:27  Игорь  Vorakull  oh
16.02.2011  21:51:37  Игорь  Vorakull  well then
16.02.2011  21:51:57  Игорь  Vorakull  I do hope for you to get your own PC soon, along with internet, so we could resume the writing
16.02.2011  21:52:13  Vorakull  Игорь  of course, thats my wish too
16.02.2011  21:52:37  Игорь  Vorakull  very well
16.02.2011  21:52:46  Игорь  Vorakull  oh
16.02.2011  21:52:48  Игорь  Vorakull  almost forgot
16.02.2011  21:53:35  Игорь  Vorakull  I re-re-sent Hobo's diary, which involved some romantic bullshit about Hobo's relationship with your cousin. I personally stopped believing in the concepts of romance, so if you wish, we can have that part completely removed
16.02.2011  21:53:55  Vorakull  Игорь  mmm
16.02.2011  21:54:40  Vorakull  Игорь  let me read everything when find myself with some time in my hands, and then I will give you my opinion
16.02.2011  21:54:48  Игорь  Vorakull  understood
16.02.2011  21:54:48  Vorakull  Игорь  alright?
16.02.2011  21:54:52  Игорь  Vorakull  sure
16.02.2011  21:55:10  Игорь  Vorakull  I was just under a flow of false beliefs about the existance of true love
16.02.2011  21:55:44  Vorakull  Игорь  true love never focus on specifics
16.02.2011  21:55:48  Vorakull  Игорь  is universal
16.02.2011  21:55:59  Vorakull  Игорь  and you can feel it for yourself
16.02.2011  21:56:18  Игорь  Vorakull  true love can't be focused only on one person? it's something more vast?
16.02.2011  21:56:44  Vorakull  Игорь  love for one person is always delusional
16.02.2011  21:56:59  Vorakull  Игорь  true love dont let anything out
16.02.2011  21:57:08  Vorakull  Игорь  because you are what you conceive
16.02.2011  21:57:22  Vorakull  Игорь  if you conceive something, and you dont love it
16.02.2011  21:57:29  Vorakull  Игорь  youre not loving a part of yourself
16.02.2011  21:57:34  Vorakull  Игорь  the part that conceives it
16.02.2011  21:57:47  Vorakull  Игорь  true love is a state
16.02.2011  21:57:53  Игорь  Vorakull  that I figured
16.02.2011  21:58:02  Игорь  Vorakull  though I get the feeling it is not a constant state
16.02.2011  21:58:10  Vorakull  Игорь  could be
16.02.2011  21:58:26  Игорь  Vorakull  but in our situations is not, right?
16.02.2011  21:58:45  Vorakull  Игорь  whats our situations?
16.02.2011  21:59:10  Игорь  Vorakull  we're cold hearted bastards, that can't wait for the zombie apocalypse to start
16.02.2011  21:59:25  Vorakull  Игорь  quite the contrary
16.02.2011  21:59:25  Игорь  Vorakull  and we love ourselves to the point of narcisim
16.02.2011  21:59:42  Vorakull  Игорь  we are extremely sensitive persons
16.02.2011  21:59:52  Vorakull  Игорь  we love humankind so much
16.02.2011  21:59:56  Игорь  Vorakull  we hate it?
16.02.2011  22:00:15  Vorakull  Игорь  we want them to free themselves from this rotten culture and dangerous bodies
16.02.2011  22:00:37  Игорь  Vorakull  and that's why we want the zed apocalypse?
16.02.2011  22:00:51  Vorakull  Игорь  the best of being human is the chance of trascend being human
16.02.2011  22:01:01  Vorakull  Игорь  the zed apocalipse is a simbol
16.02.2011  22:02:19  Игорь  Vorakull  well, the cultures may be rotten, but I have to admit, I do love Argentinian tango
16.02.2011  22:02:36  Vorakull  Игорь  hehe
16.02.2011  22:02:41  Vorakull  Игорь  wait
16.02.2011  22:03:15  Vorakull  Игорь  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4f4OaVKsZk
16.02.2011  22:03:43  Игорь  Vorakull  you do know how to please me
16.02.2011  22:04:46  Vorakull  Игорь  he talks about a woman he loves who prostitutes herself after he worked for years, being poor, to give her a home
16.02.2011  22:05:10  Vorakull  Игорь  it express the romance of suicidal feeling
16.02.2011  22:05:32  Vorakull  Игорь  as most of tangos
16.02.2011  22:06:07  Vorakull  Игорь  ill translate the lyrics for you one of these days
16.02.2011  22:08:08  Игорь  Vorakull  thank you
16.02.2011  22:08:18  Игорь  Vorakull  now I understand, why you say the culture is rotten
16.02.2011  22:08:46  Игорь  Vorakull  but still lovely
16.02.2011  22:08:59  Vorakull  Игорь  masses of people sucks
16.02.2011  22:09:18  Vorakull  Игорь  let me rephrase
16.02.2011  22:09:32  Vorakull  Игорь  "colectivity sucks, individualism rules"
16.02.2011  22:09:33  Игорь  Vorakull  better to be individualistic, then to become part of the mass?
16.02.2011  22:09:39  Vorakull  Игорь  right
16.02.2011  22:09:50  Vorakull  Игорь  even if you lose everything in the way
16.02.2011  22:10:08  Игорь  Vorakull  and how do you deal with the burden of loneliness?
16.02.2011  22:11:12  Vorakull  Игорь  not feeling anything diferent to lonelines with any partnership
16.02.2011  22:11:25  Vorakull  Игорь  Im not sure if I express myself well
16.02.2011  22:11:27  Vorakull  Игорь  enough
16.02.2011  22:11:33  Игорь  Vorakull  yes, I did not qutie understand
16.02.2011  22:12:09  Vorakull  Игорь  feeling the same when even when youre alone or not
16.02.2011  22:12:19  Vorakull  Игорь  being alone even with a lover or with friends
16.02.2011  22:12:27  Игорь  Vorakull  that's the whole solution?
16.02.2011  22:12:35  Vorakull  Игорь  of course
16.02.2011  22:12:45  Vorakull  Игорь  accept your loneliness, treasure it
16.02.2011  22:12:47  Vorakull  Игорь  fight for it
16.02.2011  22:12:55  Vorakull  Игорь  dont let them take it away from you
16.02.2011  22:12:59  Vorakull  Игорь  is everything you got
16.02.2011  22:13:03  Игорь  Vorakull  when I am completely alone, I act bizare, sing out loud songs, talk to myself out loud. that's what I should be like with other people around me?
16.02.2011  22:13:33  Vorakull  Игорь  no, but good question
16.02.2011  22:13:39  Vorakull  Игорь  you must feel the same
16.02.2011  22:13:44  Vorakull  Игорь  freedom of creativity
16.02.2011  22:13:45  Игорь  Vorakull  but not act the same?
16.02.2011  22:13:59  Vorakull  Игорь  always act according your interest
16.02.2011  22:14:11  Игорь  Vorakull  but always feel as if being alone?
16.02.2011  22:14:17  Vorakull  Игорь  mix technic with innocence and youll be fine
16.02.2011  22:14:22  Vorakull  Игорь  indeed
16.02.2011  22:14:34  Игорь  Vorakull  well, atleast that problem is out of the way
16.02.2011  22:14:56  Игорь  Vorakull  because I did attempt suicide a month ago because of this feeling of loneliness
16.02.2011  22:15:02  Vorakull  Игорь  learn how innocence is pervert it
16.02.2011  22:15:12  Vorakull  Игорь  and be innocent anyway
16.02.2011  22:15:21  Игорь  Vorakull  oh, that's easy
16.02.2011  22:15:37  Vorakull  Игорь  isnt pleansant?
16.02.2011  22:15:41  Игорь  Vorakull  sure is
16.02.2011  22:15:53  Игорь  Vorakull  and I just love the way people react to it
16.02.2011  22:15:54  Vorakull  Игорь  you still have a world o sensualism to uncover for yourself
16.02.2011  22:16:16  Vorakull  Игорь  evrything and everyone around are tools for you to explore yourself
16.02.2011  22:16:18  Vorakull  Игорь  just
16.02.2011  22:16:26  Vorakull  Игорь  learn how to be useful to others
16.02.2011  22:16:36  Vorakull  Игорь  so its fair
16.02.2011  22:16:46  Игорь  Vorakull  and what will happen, if we are unfair?
16.02.2011  22:17:24  Vorakull  Игорь  there is not a worse judge than ourselves
16.02.2011  22:17:31  Vorakull  Игорь  our SELVES
16.02.2011  22:17:53  Игорь  Vorakull  our trueselves will haunt us for being unfair?
16.02.2011  22:18:19  Vorakull  Игорь  its a way of saying it
16.02.2011  22:18:31  Vorakull  Игорь  about loneliness
16.02.2011  22:18:38  Vorakull  Игорь  I recall a phrase
16.02.2011  22:18:53  Vorakull  Игорь  let me check if I can traslate it without losing its significance
16.02.2011  22:19:01  Игорь  Vorakull  be my guest
16.02.2011  22:19:08  Vorakull  Игорь  "poor the one who depends on others to find his pleasure"
16.02.2011  22:19:14  Игорь  Vorakull  oh
16.02.2011  22:19:22  Игорь  Vorakull  I heard something similar
16.02.2011  22:19:34  Vorakull  Игорь  think about it
16.02.2011  22:19:38  Vorakull  Игорь  on those moments
16.02.2011  22:19:56  Vorakull  Игорь  you know whats the best moment to laught?
16.02.2011  22:20:13  Игорь  Vorakull  when it's ironic/funny/you get what you want
16.02.2011  22:20:28  Vorakull  Игорь  ironic yes
16.02.2011  22:20:28  Игорь  Vorakull  oh, and when it's about getting the last laugh
16.02.2011  22:20:31  Vorakull  Игорь  but to the extrteme
16.02.2011  22:20:46  Vorakull  Игорь  when everything goes absurdly wrong
16.02.2011  22:20:54  Vorakull  Игорь  when all your plans are destroyed
16.02.2011  22:21:06  Vorakull  Игорь  when you lose everything
16.02.2011  22:21:18  Vorakull  Игорь  thats the best moment to laught
16.02.2011  22:21:24  Игорь  Vorakull  why>
16.02.2011  22:21:25  Игорь  Vorakull  ?
16.02.2011  22:21:32  Игорь  Vorakull  wouldn't that be a moment for regrets?
16.02.2011  22:21:41  Vorakull  Игорь  think about it
16.02.2011  22:21:46  Vorakull  Игорь  for the same reason
16.02.2011  22:22:20  Vorakull  Игорь  being serious is the best reaction to triumph and achivements
16.02.2011  22:22:36  Vorakull  Игорь  avoid being obvious
16.02.2011  22:22:42  Vorakull  Игорь  dont act for others
16.02.2011  22:22:49  Vorakull  Игорь  act for yourself
16.02.2011  22:22:58  Vorakull  Игорь  its your movie, your play
16.02.2011  22:23:02  Игорь  Vorakull  and what if I want to act for myself by being joyful?
16.02.2011  22:23:13  Vorakull  Игорь  restrain
16.02.2011  22:23:25  Vorakull  Игорь  being joyful calls the contrary feeling
16.02.2011  22:23:33  Игорь  Vorakull  and envy?
16.02.2011  22:23:42  Игорь  Vorakull  from others
16.02.2011  22:23:50  Vorakull  Игорь  nurse from the envy from others
16.02.2011  22:24:02  Vorakull  Игорь  smile for yourself
16.02.2011  22:24:07  Vorakull  Игорь  with a bit of malice
16.02.2011  22:24:10  Vorakull  Игорь  and take it as a sign
16.02.2011  22:24:15  Vorakull  Игорь  youre doing things well
16.02.2011  22:24:28  Игорь  Vorakull  well that is how I act for most of the time
16.02.2011  22:24:40  Vorakull  Игорь  then youre doing right
16.02.2011  22:24:46  Игорь  Vorakull  really?
16.02.2011  22:24:53  Игорь  Vorakull  I thought I've been doing wrong all these years
16.02.2011  22:25:17  Vorakull  Игорь  its my opinion
16.02.2011  22:25:36  Vorakull  Игорь  save this conversations

[CrazyHobo]

feel like you have more questions?

I'll try answering them, but Vorax would be better at it.

[TRHeadshot]

I'm so confused, everything sounds so... contrary... and yet.... the underlying message.... aghhhh....

[Superchaos2585]

Hmm. I'd like to talk to Vora again at some  point. It's been too long.


Very good Igor.

[TRHeadshot]

   One of my personal beliefs in life is reflected within the Fangs. I believe that life is always better when you find others willing to spend it with you. You must always enjoy the periods of your life when you are alone, as loneliness can be a virtue, and you must never let others take over your reason for living. Mutuality is something to be appreciated, in my views. I've always seen myself, as a companion- or counterpart - to the Dragon Spirit, as the Will and Rage of Fenrir flows through my veins.

[CrazyHobo]

if that's what you percieve, Patrick, then be my guest: be the companion of the Dragon's Will.

It really is confusing. Usually takes me 3-4 months to understand what our conversation was about.

It'll come with time 

[Mustang MKIII]

This was the most enlightening thing I've read this year.

[CrazyHobo]

but the year barely started, Mustang 

Thanks for the commentary

[Sir Modemkill, Cyborg!]

Hmm....

Interesting...Vora never fails to amaze me with his knowledge of life.

The middle ground eh...

I've been shunning everyone, especially recently...should I let others in?

Though...I have so many mental walls separating the outside world from myself..me, in my dark, lonely, isolated world, standing alone. I don't think I even know how to interact with people anymore.

It's been so long...I can't remember the last time I felt any of the emotions.

Heh..This must be what it feels like to be dead...it feels....good.


....

Have I really strayed from the path of the Dragon? have I failed?

[CrazyHobo]

there are only a few ways to fail in this path:
1) Commit suicide, because that intervenes with the plans of your true self.
2) Attempt to shun, destroy and ignore your true self.

The whole goal is to learn the ability to silence your mind of all chaotic thoughts, so that you could listen directly to your true self, who is pulling the strings of the world. That's the whole point of the path, not worshiping some altar of a black dragon.

Only way to learn this is to discipline your mind, build your willpower and your awareness. Meditation is key in this. Zen is best (though it is difficult finding a temple in Europe).

Everything else is secondary.

[BlackRain]

Is it strange that I understood most of that as soon as I read it?

While I understand the writings and the meanings, I've no idea how to achieve the goals presented in these conversations...

I likely have less voices than most, but I do know I have more than one. Maybe ten, twenty.

Ugh... I should start meditating again.

Hobo, thank you for showing me this site. It'll do me some good to study again.

[CrazyHobo]

people are different. When I was 15, it would take me up to 4 months to understand what our conversation was about.