Leaving

[CrazyHobo]

I often ask myself "How in the world did I become a Black Dragon Agent?"
By all rules, I should be a lifeless slug like the rest of the people in this country.

But you don't know this country, so you wouldn't understand what I'm complaining about. Allow me to ellaborate.

This country has been under the rule of conquerors for centuries. Germans, Dutch, Swedens, Russians. Every major power in Europe had Estonia as part of the dominion for a long time. And then the USSR occupies the Baltic States according to the Molotov-Ribbentrof pact. All these events have drastically impacted the entire nation. They fear. They fear many things. I even dare to presume that fear courses in their blood, it has become genetic. As a result, they all have a very low self-esteem. And they have to compensate it by boasting off on empty achievements. They keep praising every Estonian writer and poet, saying they are true geniuses. I have studied many literatures, I can tell that there has yet to be an Estonian genius writer or poet. One Estonian movie director won an Oscar in 1905. They still boast about it. An Estonian Internet Tech company has created a software that will allow companies through a web-cam to see what viewers pay attention to. Very soon everything will be monitored, where your eyes land when viewing a website. And here they have been elevated to godly status as Estonia's saviours...
In all honesty, there is only one thing they have managed to achieve: put wi-fi everywhere in the country. Everywhere...even an old abandoned and demolished mansion or burned down house has wi-fi. Awful useful for the homeless, don't you think?

As always, people need an enemy to stay banded together. And who else can they hate, but a former superpower that had them occupied? All their hatred has spilled on Russians. Oh I assure you, there is no chance in the world you will see on the Internet any remark of an Estonian saying Russians are pure evil and must be eradicated off the face of the Earth. You won't, they monitor what gets on the media and quickly remove what can harm their image.
But we live here, we are not far, we hear what they really say. I fool you not, they even teach kids in schools that Russians are evil. Some of you may know, I love the subject of history and know it sufficiently well. I have opened many Estonian history books and they all say that Russians were merciless killers and occupiers. But you will never find in any Estonian history book that during the Nazi occupation they willingly joined the SS and formed their own legion voluntarily. And in no Estonian book will you find any reference to how much fun they had in exterminating Jews in the local concentration camps...But you will find an awful lot of statistics which claim how many Estonians suffered from Stalin's rule.
 Don't get me wrong, Stalin was an sadistic fool. But everyone suffered from him. More Russians died under his rule than nazis. Being so ignorant to these facts shocks me.

One time my friend wanted to start dating an Estonian girl and to get her attention, he asked me to pretend to be an American from Chicago. Naturally, it was not difficult for me. I have talked with the girl a lot and one time we went watching a soccer match between Estonia and Ireland. She told me that she views all Russians as savage barbarians. When I asked her if all the people surrounding her think the same, she confirmed that all Estonians view Russians as savages. Haven't spoken to her ever since.

Now take into consideration the fact that Russians have been living in a totalitarian dictatorship for almost a century and an entire generation was born, which had no free will. They have gotten used to waiting for orders from the Kremlin. They have no initiative and fear all forms of government. As such, when Estonians oppress us, we do not retaliate out of fear.
Russians have smaller wages than Estonians. They have lesser job prospects. Heck, we even get arrested for no reason, just because we are Russians.

And so, viewing all these matters that are in Estonia, I ask myself again. How did I become a Black Dragon Agent?
Here I am, an example of Discipline, Awareness and Willpower. I rise above my problems, I never fall into despair, I always manage to find a way out. But looking at the rest of my people, I believe I was supposed to be like them: lifeless, grey, fearful, pathetic.
Yet I became a Black Dragon Agent.

I ask myself often, how did it come to this?

I have 2.5 hours left until I leave this country. I hope I will never have to return here for a long period, only small visits for family and remaining friends, though even they are leaving this country.
And in these finals hours I still cannot understand how is it that I, someone who was pathetically weak in the beginning, became a Black Dragon Agent. A member of the Head Order. The right hand man of the Archlord himself. An aspiring champion of life.

Perhaps some day, I will find an answer. I do believe that all our actions are part of a grand plan. But unitl then, I still ponder myself. I am the only Black Dragon Agent that was ever born in this country. I do hope I'm not the last.

[Superchaos2585]

Brilliant. I actually did have time to read this in it's entirety and not skim it, and I can really sense how you feel. I can't claim to know or have any idea, but I get a sense.  I can make a few parallels to the ignorance of some people in my country, but it's by no means anywhere as bad as your country is.

One of my biggest complaints about American citizens is that they don't realize how good they have it. They'd be humbled by talking to you and your countrymen, but they're too ignorant to do so. Because of that, we get a bad name all around the world. People love to hate us. They think we're spoiled fat pigs who do the world no good. We might be spoiled, and I hope most of us realize it, but we've brought the world a lot of good, and we help drive the world's economy. Now I don't necessarily agree with what my government says or does, but I'm thankful to have been born and live in such a wonderful place. I just wish the haters would take the blinders off and see things for what they are.

It's similar to people hating Russia/Russians as you explained.

It might not be the best place by everyone's opinion, but I wouldn't trade it to live anywhere else! 

[Sir Modemkill, Cyborg!]

There are some who are born to be more than their situation dictates they should be, you, hobo, are one of those people.

It's an honor to be able to call you my friend and comrade, and I feel all the better for having you live closer to me.

May your journey be smooth and your transition be painless.

Dea Draconum Spiritum Obscuritatis.

[Mustang MKIII]

You are an inspiration Igor, congratulations, but may I ask you, where are you going to?

[Zhufor]

Ahh Hobo, you my friend are a different breed. Not many people like us exist. the people in the UK aren't any better than what your used to. take heart in the fact that you have risen above them. All people can learn to be like us, but some are just born. You were just born into it I think.

[BlackRain]

He's heading to England, Zhu. Somewhere around London, I believe.

But, Igor, I can't say anything more that hasn't been said already. Agents are born to rise above the situation around them. Some may struggle more than others, and some Agents fail, but that is the ultimate test.

[Reznorock]

I wish you the very best of Luck Hobo, only wish I had read this sooner.

[Kamots]

We all look forward to your return Hobo!
I see you going far in this life brother. Best of luck in your new venture, I know you'll do well in any direction you go.
The road behind us matters not at all, what is truly important is what lay ahead.