No, it's truly impossible right now. Just you implying I haven't tried any of it is highly irritating. It's close to setting off the Rage, which is odd, because I've forced myself to go numb.
Love is not a distraction. Obviously, everyone here has missed Vora's memo when he spoke on hate and love. Hate is useless. Wastes time. Those people you hate aren't worth your attention.
Love is powerful. You literally have a physical need for close contact with other humans, like, skin to skin. It releases a chemical in your brain that keeps it from basically rotting and going insane.
This girl is the source of the only regular physical contact for me in years. It's quite literally impossible for me to stay away from her for too long. Either I get another girlfriend, which is highly unlikely in this city, or I fix this one. Quickly.
I can already feel chunks of my mind drifting away from me, and my body starting to break down. In fact, as I write this, I can feel pain blossoming in my diaphragm, my fingers are starting to get twitchy, and I'm having muscle spasms in my arms and back. Minor ones, but they're there.
When all is said and done, either I'll be a kinder person, blasphemy, I know, or far, far more cruel. Unimaginable, no?