Message #43918

[Mustang MKIII]

I can tell that you're planning to add more to it so I'd need to see the rest before saying anything that could be helpful to you. What's there is good, my only complaint is that I didn't find myself caring about any of the characters at all. That could just be me, seeing as I'm pretty tired right now and that it usually takes a good bit of time to develope characters in a story to the point where people care about them. Hope this helps