Fenrir's Fangs

Part 3b

16.02.2011  21:37:38  Игорь  Vorakull  could you suggest me a new technique? Tantra no longer suits me, as my imagination has ceased to amuse me
16.02.2011  21:37:40  Vorakull  Игорь  to develop the ability to turn on and off our voices and other systems
16.02.2011  21:37:49  Vorakull  Игорь  Zen
16.02.2011  21:37:52  Vorakull  Игорь  saZen
16.02.2011  21:38:00  Игорь  Vorakull  where did you learn them?
16.02.2011  21:38:30  Vorakull  Игорь  from my own master, in old days
16.02.2011  21:38:46  Vorakull  Игорь  but Ill go to a temple when I return from the coast
16.02.2011  21:39:43  Игорь  Vorakull  well lucky you
16.02.2011  21:39:52  Игорь  Vorakull  there are no Zen temples around my vicinitty
16.02.2011  21:39:54  Vorakull  Игорь  in the meanwhile
16.02.2011  21:39:58  Vorakull  Игорь  research about it
16.02.2011  21:40:05  Vorakull  Игорь  read and practice  
16.02.2011  21:40:24  Игорь  Vorakull  it is possible to learn Zen through a book, right?
16.02.2011  21:41:08  Vorakull  Игорь  at least some basis
16.02.2011  21:41:14  Vorakull  Игорь  I believe is better than nothing
16.02.2011  21:41:23  Игорь  Vorakull  at least that is true
16.02.2011  21:41:41  Игорь  Vorakull  Vorax, thank you for giving me a proper purpose for spending time now
16.02.2011  21:41:54  Vorakull  Игорь  my pleasure
16.02.2011  21:42:34  Игорь  Vorakull  honestly, the past months have been a waste of time by asking myself question, like "why was I born?", "What is the meaning of life?" and other non-sense
16.02.2011  21:43:01  Vorakull  Игорь  its part of the plan you ignore those things
16.02.2011  21:43:11  Игорь  Vorakull  I only now understand that
16.02.2011  21:44:09  Vorakull  Игорь  try not to distract your mind so much, channel your impulses to production or creativity
16.02.2011  21:44:45  Игорь  Vorakull  even though those impulses are sporadic?
16.02.2011  21:45:54  Vorakull  Игорь  discipline yourself to be above non programmed impulses
16.02.2011  21:46:23  Игорь  Vorakull  and how do you tell the difference between a non-programmed and programmed impulse?
16.02.2011  21:46:33  Vorakull  Игорь  program your possible reactions to extreme circumstances and reserve your energy on diary situations
16.02.2011  21:47:00  Vorakull  Игорь  because you are aware of your programmed impulses
16.02.2011  21:47:19  Vorakull  Игорь  you visualize them before doing them, thats the point on programming one self
16.02.2011  21:47:36  Игорь  Vorakull  you mean trying to understand how I will react under a certain situation?
16.02.2011  21:48:34  Vorakull  Игорь  not merely understand, but research thew best possible reaction and train it
16.02.2011  21:48:50  Игорь  Vorakull  and that's discipline?
16.02.2011  21:49:00  Vorakull  Игорь  its what training represents for your body
16.02.2011  21:49:03  Vorakull  Игорь  but for the mind
16.02.2011  21:49:24  Игорь  Vorakull  you know, you should write a **** bible or something for studying the Dragon way, you know that?
16.02.2011  21:50:13  Vorakull  Игорь  discipline is the acquirement of habits
16.02.2011  21:50:30  Vorakull  Игорь  mmm, probably, sadly, I dont have the time
16.02.2011  21:50:36  Игорь  Vorakull  sadly indeed
16.02.2011  21:50:54  Vorakull  Игорь  thats why I would like to rely on you
16.02.2011  21:51:04  Игорь  Vorakull  you want me to write the Dragon bible?
16.02.2011  21:51:19  Vorakull  Игорь  thats what we were doing while writing the story
16.02.2011  21:51:22  Vorakull  Игорь  in a way
16.02.2011  21:51:27  Игорь  Vorakull  oh
16.02.2011  21:51:37  Игорь  Vorakull  well then
16.02.2011  21:51:57  Игорь  Vorakull  I do hope for you to get your own PC soon, along with internet, so we could resume the writing
16.02.2011  21:52:13  Vorakull  Игорь  of course, thats my wish too
16.02.2011  21:52:37  Игорь  Vorakull  very well
16.02.2011  21:52:46  Игорь  Vorakull  oh
16.02.2011  21:52:48  Игорь  Vorakull  almost forgot
16.02.2011  21:53:35  Игорь  Vorakull  I re-re-sent Hobo's diary, which involved some romantic bullshit about Hobo's relationship with your cousin. I personally stopped believing in the concepts of romance, so if you wish, we can have that part completely removed
16.02.2011  21:53:55  Vorakull  Игорь  mmm
16.02.2011  21:54:40  Vorakull  Игорь  let me read everything when find myself with some time in my hands, and then I will give you my opinion
16.02.2011  21:54:48  Игорь  Vorakull  understood
16.02.2011  21:54:48  Vorakull  Игорь  alright?
16.02.2011  21:54:52  Игорь  Vorakull  sure
16.02.2011  21:55:10  Игорь  Vorakull  I was just under a flow of false beliefs about the existance of true love
16.02.2011  21:55:44  Vorakull  Игорь  true love never focus on specifics
16.02.2011  21:55:48  Vorakull  Игорь  is universal
16.02.2011  21:55:59  Vorakull  Игорь  and you can feel it for yourself
16.02.2011  21:56:18  Игорь  Vorakull  true love can't be focused only on one person? it's something more vast?
16.02.2011  21:56:44  Vorakull  Игорь  love for one person is always delusional
16.02.2011  21:56:59  Vorakull  Игорь  true love dont let anything out
16.02.2011  21:57:08  Vorakull  Игорь  because you are what you conceive
16.02.2011  21:57:22  Vorakull  Игорь  if you conceive something, and you dont love it
16.02.2011  21:57:29  Vorakull  Игорь  youre not loving a part of yourself
16.02.2011  21:57:34  Vorakull  Игорь  the part that conceives it
16.02.2011  21:57:47  Vorakull  Игорь  true love is a state
16.02.2011  21:57:53  Игорь  Vorakull  that I figured
16.02.2011  21:58:02  Игорь  Vorakull  though I get the feeling it is not a constant state
16.02.2011  21:58:10  Vorakull  Игорь  could be
16.02.2011  21:58:26  Игорь  Vorakull  but in our situations is not, right?
16.02.2011  21:58:45  Vorakull  Игорь  whats our situations?
16.02.2011  21:59:10  Игорь  Vorakull  we're cold hearted bastards, that can't wait for the zombie apocalypse to start
16.02.2011  21:59:25  Vorakull  Игорь  quite the contrary
16.02.2011  21:59:25  Игорь  Vorakull  and we love ourselves to the point of narcisim
16.02.2011  21:59:42  Vorakull  Игорь  we are extremely sensitive persons
16.02.2011  21:59:52  Vorakull  Игорь  we love humankind so much
16.02.2011  21:59:56  Игорь  Vorakull  we hate it?
16.02.2011  22:00:15  Vorakull  Игорь  we want them to free themselves from this rotten culture and dangerous bodies
16.02.2011  22:00:37  Игорь  Vorakull  and that's why we want the zed apocalypse?
16.02.2011  22:00:51  Vorakull  Игорь  the best of being human is the chance of trascend being human
16.02.2011  22:01:01  Vorakull  Игорь  the zed apocalipse is a simbol
16.02.2011  22:02:19  Игорь  Vorakull  well, the cultures may be rotten, but I have to admit, I do love Argentinian tango
16.02.2011  22:02:36  Vorakull  Игорь  hehe
16.02.2011  22:02:41  Vorakull  Игорь  wait
16.02.2011  22:03:15  Vorakull  Игорь  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4f4OaVKsZk
16.02.2011  22:03:43  Игорь  Vorakull  you do know how to please me
16.02.2011  22:04:46  Vorakull  Игорь  he talks about a woman he loves who prostitutes herself after he worked for years, being poor, to give her a home
16.02.2011  22:05:10  Vorakull  Игорь  it express the romance of suicidal feeling
16.02.2011  22:05:32  Vorakull  Игорь  as most of tangos
16.02.2011  22:06:07  Vorakull  Игорь  ill translate the lyrics for you one of these days
16.02.2011  22:08:08  Игорь  Vorakull  thank you
16.02.2011  22:08:18  Игорь  Vorakull  now I understand, why you say the culture is rotten
16.02.2011  22:08:46  Игорь  Vorakull  but still lovely
16.02.2011  22:08:59  Vorakull  Игорь  masses of people sucks
16.02.2011  22:09:18  Vorakull  Игорь  let me rephrase
16.02.2011  22:09:32  Vorakull  Игорь  "colectivity sucks, individualism rules"
16.02.2011  22:09:33  Игорь  Vorakull  better to be individualistic, then to become part of the mass?
16.02.2011  22:09:39  Vorakull  Игорь  right
16.02.2011  22:09:50  Vorakull  Игорь  even if you lose everything in the way
16.02.2011  22:10:08  Игорь  Vorakull  and how do you deal with the burden of loneliness?
16.02.2011  22:11:12  Vorakull  Игорь  not feeling anything diferent to lonelines with any partnership
16.02.2011  22:11:25  Vorakull  Игорь  Im not sure if I express myself well
16.02.2011  22:11:27  Vorakull  Игорь  enough
16.02.2011  22:11:33  Игорь  Vorakull  yes, I did not qutie understand
16.02.2011  22:12:09  Vorakull  Игорь  feeling the same when even when youre alone or not
16.02.2011  22:12:19  Vorakull  Игорь  being alone even with a lover or with friends
16.02.2011  22:12:27  Игорь  Vorakull  that's the whole solution?
16.02.2011  22:12:35  Vorakull  Игорь  of course
16.02.2011  22:12:45  Vorakull  Игорь  accept your loneliness, treasure it
16.02.2011  22:12:47  Vorakull  Игорь  fight for it
16.02.2011  22:12:55  Vorakull  Игорь  dont let them take it away from you
16.02.2011  22:12:59  Vorakull  Игорь  is everything you got
16.02.2011  22:13:03  Игорь  Vorakull  when I am completely alone, I act bizare, sing out loud songs, talk to myself out loud. that's what I should be like with other people around me?
16.02.2011  22:13:33  Vorakull  Игорь  no, but good question
16.02.2011  22:13:39  Vorakull  Игорь  you must feel the same
16.02.2011  22:13:44  Vorakull  Игорь  freedom of creativity
16.02.2011  22:13:45  Игорь  Vorakull  but not act the same?
16.02.2011  22:13:59  Vorakull  Игорь  always act according your interest
16.02.2011  22:14:11  Игорь  Vorakull  but always feel as if being alone?
16.02.2011  22:14:17  Vorakull  Игорь  mix technic with innocence and youll be fine
16.02.2011  22:14:22  Vorakull  Игорь  indeed
16.02.2011  22:14:34  Игорь  Vorakull  well, atleast that problem is out of the way
16.02.2011  22:14:56  Игорь  Vorakull  because I did attempt suicide a month ago because of this feeling of loneliness
16.02.2011  22:15:02  Vorakull  Игорь  learn how innocence is pervert it
16.02.2011  22:15:12  Vorakull  Игорь  and be innocent anyway
16.02.2011  22:15:21  Игорь  Vorakull  oh, that's easy
16.02.2011  22:15:37  Vorakull  Игорь  isnt pleansant?
16.02.2011  22:15:41  Игорь  Vorakull  sure is
16.02.2011  22:15:53  Игорь  Vorakull  and I just love the way people react to it
16.02.2011  22:15:54  Vorakull  Игорь  you still have a world o sensualism to uncover for yourself
16.02.2011  22:16:16  Vorakull  Игорь  evrything and everyone around are tools for you to explore yourself
16.02.2011  22:16:18  Vorakull  Игорь  just
16.02.2011  22:16:26  Vorakull  Игорь  learn how to be useful to others
16.02.2011  22:16:36  Vorakull  Игорь  so its fair
16.02.2011  22:16:46  Игорь  Vorakull  and what will happen, if we are unfair?
16.02.2011  22:17:24  Vorakull  Игорь  there is not a worse judge than ourselves
16.02.2011  22:17:31  Vorakull  Игорь  our SELVES
16.02.2011  22:17:53  Игорь  Vorakull  our trueselves will haunt us for being unfair?
16.02.2011  22:18:19  Vorakull  Игорь  its a way of saying it
16.02.2011  22:18:31  Vorakull  Игорь  about loneliness
16.02.2011  22:18:38  Vorakull  Игорь  I recall a phrase
16.02.2011  22:18:53  Vorakull  Игорь  let me check if I can traslate it without losing its significance
16.02.2011  22:19:01  Игорь  Vorakull  be my guest
16.02.2011  22:19:08  Vorakull  Игорь  "poor the one who depends on others to find his pleasure"
16.02.2011  22:19:14  Игорь  Vorakull  oh
16.02.2011  22:19:22  Игорь  Vorakull  I heard something similar
16.02.2011  22:19:34  Vorakull  Игорь  think about it
16.02.2011  22:19:38  Vorakull  Игорь  on those moments
16.02.2011  22:19:56  Vorakull  Игорь  you know whats the best moment to laught?
16.02.2011  22:20:13  Игорь  Vorakull  when it's ironic/funny/you get what you want
16.02.2011  22:20:28  Vorakull  Игорь  ironic yes
16.02.2011  22:20:28  Игорь  Vorakull  oh, and when it's about getting the last laugh
16.02.2011  22:20:31  Vorakull  Игорь  but to the extrteme
16.02.2011  22:20:46  Vorakull  Игорь  when everything goes absurdly wrong
16.02.2011  22:20:54  Vorakull  Игорь  when all your plans are destroyed
16.02.2011  22:21:06  Vorakull  Игорь  when you lose everything
16.02.2011  22:21:18  Vorakull  Игорь  thats the best moment to laught
16.02.2011  22:21:24  Игорь  Vorakull  why>
16.02.2011  22:21:25  Игорь  Vorakull  ?
16.02.2011  22:21:32  Игорь  Vorakull  wouldn't that be a moment for regrets?
16.02.2011  22:21:41  Vorakull  Игорь  think about it
16.02.2011  22:21:46  Vorakull  Игорь  for the same reason
16.02.2011  22:22:20  Vorakull  Игорь  being serious is the best reaction to triumph and achivements
16.02.2011  22:22:36  Vorakull  Игорь  avoid being obvious
16.02.2011  22:22:42  Vorakull  Игорь  dont act for others
16.02.2011  22:22:49  Vorakull  Игорь  act for yourself
16.02.2011  22:22:58  Vorakull  Игорь  its your movie, your play
16.02.2011  22:23:02  Игорь  Vorakull  and what if I want to act for myself by being joyful?
16.02.2011  22:23:13  Vorakull  Игорь  restrain
16.02.2011  22:23:25  Vorakull  Игорь  being joyful calls the contrary feeling
16.02.2011  22:23:33  Игорь  Vorakull  and envy?
16.02.2011  22:23:42  Игорь  Vorakull  from others
16.02.2011  22:23:50  Vorakull  Игорь  nurse from the envy from others
16.02.2011  22:24:02  Vorakull  Игорь  smile for yourself
16.02.2011  22:24:07  Vorakull  Игорь  with a bit of malice
16.02.2011  22:24:10  Vorakull  Игорь  and take it as a sign
16.02.2011  22:24:15  Vorakull  Игорь  youre doing things well
16.02.2011  22:24:28  Игорь  Vorakull  well that is how I act for most of the time
16.02.2011  22:24:40  Vorakull  Игорь  then youre doing right
16.02.2011  22:24:46  Игорь  Vorakull  really?
16.02.2011  22:24:53  Игорь  Vorakull  I thought I've been doing wrong all these years
16.02.2011  22:25:17  Vorakull  Игорь  its my opinion
16.02.2011  22:25:36  Vorakull  Игорь  save this conversations