Stray Sheep Cpt 8
Khalee Aristide
“I do believe it’s finished Commander Aristide.”
“What exactly is ‘it’?”
This egghead is so god dammed fired if this is a waste of my time. “It just looks like a big pink blob.”
“Well, we call it Agent Glutton. Glutton is what’s going to find and kill that instigator Black Sheep.”
“How did you even make this thing?”
“My team and I took some recently deceased cadavers and treated them with a special solution of which I won’t bore you with the details to make the flesh malleable. You see if it doesn’t have a definite form, then it is more resistant to damage. Glutton’s organs can dissolve and move like the rest of his body. Anyways, after treating him with the solution we implanted some goat brains for rudimentary functions.”
This thing is a monstrosity: a crime against nature. “How did you and your team even get clearance for this? I’m no scientist, but your experiments here must be violating dozens of ethical guidelines.”
“Over the years I’ve found out that you can justify a lot of experiments by yelling out ‘For Science!’”
“Wow, uh, anyways, how exactly will it find and kill the Black Sheep?”
This insane bastard better know what my finger drumming means. “Y-you see, Glutton wraps around his prey and when any part of him touches bare skin, he floods the prey’s nervous system with endorphins, making the victim feel good and complacent. Glutton then engulfs his victim and absorbs it; kind of like an ameba.”
“That’s very interesting but, how is it supposed to find Animus with no eyes, ears, or other visible sensory organs?”
Can’t he just tell me the important part? I suppose I can’t really blame him; he is just a Sheep after all.
“Oh, we order Glutton by sticking an electrode in him. The electrode is connected to a microphone so, that when you speak into the microphone, your words are converted into electrical impulses, which stimulate Gluttons internal organs. Glutton finds his way around by sense of smell and vibrations. He also seems to grow more intelligent as he consumes. We test him by recording his speed on solving a Rubik’s cube. I personally believe that Glutton has been networking the brains of the animals we’ve been feeding him. With every small mammal he consumes, his time on the cube gets faster by a second or two.”
Finally, we’re getting somewhere. “What’s his current record?”
“Around ten minutes.”
Now I need to test something. “Doctor Pressly, would you kindly release one of the test seals? I would like to see Glutton for my self.”
“Of course Commander Aristide! But, we don’t use seals; we use goats. Just remember to end every command with ‘and return to your cage.’”
“Why goats?”
I thought seals would be the first choice, overpopulation and all.
“Tradition mostly. There was this religion called Chupacabraism a few hundred years ago. Chupacabraism worshipped the mystical Chupacabra. Agents of the Chupacabra are goats, supposedly, and they take in all of the sins of humanity. Then the Chupacabra is supposed to eat the sin filled goats therefore freeing humanity from its sins. The whole thing is quite laughable really, but a lot of scientists back then bought into it and they inflicted as many sins on the goats as they could. Like I said tradition. Though, it is starting to see a resurgence–”
“Very fascinating. Doctor Pressly. How many other scientists on your team know what you do about Agent Glutton?”
“Five Commander. I make six.”
So I see. The electrode goes in like this. Open the cage. “Agent Glutton, eat Doctor Pressly here, then return to your cage.”
“W-why–oh, that feels quite nice and warm.”
Wow, look at Glutton go. Completely engulfed in fifty-six seconds from balding head to penny loafers and right back to his cage. “Now Agent Glutton, please solve the cube as fast as you can and then return to your cage."
Doctor Pressly should have been more direct.
“Um Commander Aristide, what in the hell was that? You just murdered him!”
“Isn’t it obvious? I’m commandeering this facility, its staff, and all of its resources to stop a nasty bout of domestic terrorism. You know, Black Sheep and he can't possibly be working alone."
If those terrorists want to dress up like monsters, I’ll show them a monster. 
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