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Posted by: CrazyHobo
« on: March 11, 2012, 07:33:44 am »piece of cake here in Estonia 
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Posted by: BlackRain« on: March 11, 2012, 06:00:32 am »hah! Yeah, we all need a bit of venting every now and then. Wish I could vent like I want, but gratuitous amounts of sex and violence is hard to come by when you're underaged and living in America. >.<
Posted by: Superchaos2585« on: March 10, 2012, 04:56:49 pm » Oh no, I have no regrets. I have that "what happens shapes you" attitude myself, so I don't really regret anything. I look back sometimes on things like school, and think "Wow, that was stupid of me to leave," but I don't dwell on it.
I've always been interested in meditation, but I can never seem to slow down my mind enough to do so. I've been a member of this clan for 3+ years, and I have to say, even though I've only met you recently, you may have the most in common with me of anyone I've known here. (Besides Patrick of course.) Anyway, a lot of my problems are stemmed from just not having people to vent with at the proper times. Writing just doesn't do it for me. Things just get bottled when I can't talk things out with people. Right now I'm feeling better than I've felt in a while thanks to all this venting XD. Posted by: Superchaos2585« on: March 09, 2012, 04:55:28 pm » I'm gonna
 here for a second and talk about my problems. I haven't been diagnosed or anything, doesn't really matter either way, but I have a lot of nervous/anxious issues, tending to need things a certain way, OVERTHINKING every little thing and all the circumstances and whatnot that come from it, and things like that. Patrick is the only person I've ever met in person who get's this. He's part of me, I feel, and not having spoken to him for more than 10 minutes since the summer, I feel incomplete. I see him giving the love and attention he gave to me to somebody else, and something in my head makes me go berserk over it. Not voices or anything, just feelings, uncontrollable. I really don't have real life friends anymore beside him, and even he's drifting now. Over the summer, I lost my first pet. My first real loss ever. I didn't know how to deal with it. Patrick had just gotten a gf, and I just cried until I couldn't anymore. I was very close to Simpson, she'd been here my whole life, so it hurt. Along with all this, before I continue, my mom has MS, and now has been having many cancer problems, anddddd started smoking again. This places stress on everyone. Continuing, only a month and a half later, my cat Spooky passed right in front of me. Maybe not as traumatizing as watching best friends die, but traumatizing nonetheless. Again, I cried. He'd also been with me for as long as I could remember. A few weeks later, the last of my first three cats, Sesar died. Again, Patrick wasn't around. This time I just bottled it. I couldn't cry anymore. I was able to talk to him for a small period beginning in October. I was fed up with school, and had been having many issues with people and their ignorance for about a year. We tried the whole "best friends dating best friends" thing, but that fell apart quickly. Pfft. I get too attached too quickly to people. Character flaw I suppose. I was able to visit in October, while this was going on. I decided to quit school like a fool. Not much of Patrick around to talk me out of it. I went from perfect grades, to leaving over punks messing with me all within a 2 year span. Unbelievable. Anyway, I came home, lost my phone, and this is where the contact was pretty much cut. In January, I think, I've blocked the day out, my dog who was with me all the time had to be put to sleep. No Patrick at all. I tried to reach out, with my impatience growing day after day, but again, he didn't talk to me when he said he would. I tried one last time a few weeks ago, and Patrick told me not to make gay jokes because they "hurt his gf" (to be clear, all I did was say that Patrick was mine before he was hers and things of the sort) Anyway, this was my breaking point and I let him have it a bit. Nowadays I have panic attacks before going to bed, thinking about dying and stuff, and things couldn't be better/sarcasm I've pretty much given up reaching out on my part, I'm waiting for something more than a random hi or things like that before I try anymore. I'm just tired. Tired./Novel Posted by: Twilightpersona« on: March 09, 2012, 04:02:35 am »That's right I would have no problem with that. Also I do have a Skype account. If anyone's interested it is TheDoctor69691.
Posted by: Parone92« on: March 09, 2012, 03:56:32 am »hmm, this tells me more about the rest of you at least, other than that i may give you some advice Superchaos. Patrick should pay more attention to you, but he isn't always going to be available. It may benefit you and the empire as well when i say this, but have you considered recruiting another person in your local area?
If you're really desperate, remember me and William(twilightpersona) are in the state right below you. If there is some other way i can help, like lending an ear and offering some guidance, let me know. Posted by: BlackRain« on: March 08, 2012, 07:43:53 pm »Just general issues, mate. Mine, I only told Igor. TR... Only told Igor as well. xD
Posted by: Thuggernaut« on: March 08, 2012, 05:18:05 pm »Uhhh, can someone bring me up to speed? 0.o
Posted by: BlackRain« on: March 08, 2012, 12:20:16 pm »I did resolve that one problem though...
Regardless, we, the Empire, the elder Agents in general, are here to guide and teach. Not even Vora hands down orders. He told me once, and I quote,'I give what Im asked, no less, no more.' Stand strong, stand vigilant, Brother. We're all in this together, for all of our love of our individual minds, personalities, and experiences. The Empire is not a group, a faction, or a clan. We are a living, breathing entity, an amalgam of different minds, and cells coalesced together. I am the left hand, Igor is the right. You are the burning rage in it's bosom. Vora is the wizened mind that guides and empowers, and Chaos is the mirth of it all, relieving tension and helping to relax the rest of us. If one part is injured, the rest suffer for it. Thus, we must care for each other as we care for ourselves, if not out of loyalty and care, then out of necessity. For all our strength, our intelligence, an Agent can't live on his own, if only because he or she will have no direction, no purpose. We need each other as surely as the heart in your chest needs the brain in your skull. Posted by: CrazyHobo« on: March 08, 2012, 09:00:49 am »Albel is right, ya know.
And seeing what's happening to Chaos, you are acting like a dick by hovering solely over your girlfriend. And finally, the fact that your girl is always suffering seems foolish, because as Vorax once said, pain in life is unavoidable, but suffering is optional. Look at Albel, I've been speaking with him a lot about his life lately and I can tell that the only person, who has a shittier life than him is Dice, who's two best friends were killed in front of his eyes. And even Dice isn't complaining. Sure, it's **** painful, but do you see anyone suffering here Mate, you really should consult with us on what problems your girlfriend has? We have experience with treating spiritual and mental injuries, ya know -_- Posted by: BlackRain« on: March 08, 2012, 05:18:29 am »Sounds like you really need to go on a murdering spree, mate... Need some help? I have weapons, disposable laborers, vehicles, a safehouse or two...
Just gimme the word, and I'll see what I can do for you. Regardless, TR, this is exactly what I was going to talk to you about, although I didn't ge tthe chance due to my game-addicted **** of a mother kicking me offline before you logged on. >.> Having a girlfriend is all well and good, but like Igor said, make sure you pay attention to your friends in the middle of it too. Chaos, Igor, myself, and the Empire in general. If any one in your life tries to make you choose between them and someone else you care deeply about, boot the one that tried to make you choose. I'm not saying this is the case here, but really mate. You wanna talk about life threatening ****? My family can barely afford food for the week, we have to take off work because we don't have the gas money to drive fifteen, twenty miles, my step father might have cancer, end of the year exams(a.k.a. TAKS tests here in Texas) are piling up, school work sucks up half of my waking days, and along with that, I'm managing a real-world branch of the Empire and trying to find a job, yet I still find time to sit down and play a game for a few hours, or get on video chat with our dear Russian friend over there. It may feel overwhelming, whatever you're going through, but believe me when I say that it's not. Unless you're being shot at on an hourly basis, you have time to spare for the people who helped shape your mind into what it is today, no? Posted by: Superchaos2585« on: March 08, 2012, 04:57:26 am » V.V What you don't seem to understand in all of this Patrick, is that you're seriously hurting me. Badly. It's gotten to the point where I barely even want to talk to you. The constant professions of love all the time get to me as well and chip and chip away at me. I'm seriously going crazy. People here can try and help, but fact is, I've never really met them. I need somebody I know who I can talk to. Of all times, I've needed you the most during the last few months, with me being driven out of school and everything, and frankly, you've been on Starr's dick trying to help with her problems. I want you to decide, are you going to make more time for me, any at all in fact, or are you going to let me drift away? When/if things go sour, I'm not going to be there in the latter, so decide on something. I awoke to the sound of broken glass today. Came downstairs, family fighting as usual. Went back upstairs to try and sleep. Yelling. Couldn't sleep, went back downstairs, blood stains, family fighting as usual. This is my life. No vent. Nobody to talk to. Nada. Posted by: TRHeadshot« on: March 07, 2012, 01:35:31 pm »I'lll gladly tell you everything. You of all people are not very judgemental, and very intelligent. You're advice is appreciated. But I'd prefer it if stated private between us.
Posted by: CrazyHobo« on: March 07, 2012, 11:36:38 am »very interesting.
Listen, It's almost midnight here, so I'm of to sleep. But I do want to hear what her problems are, so that I could provide my support. Of course, if it's not confidential. Posted by: TRHeadshot« on: March 07, 2012, 11:33:18 am »Similar enough.
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