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Posted by: BlackRain
« on: April 20, 2012, 06:57:59 pm »No one asked you. >:C
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Posted by: Sir Modemkill, Cyborg!« on: April 20, 2012, 05:33:29 pm »Hence my apathy toward relationships.
Posted by: BlackRain« on: April 16, 2012, 08:01:10 am »No, it's truly impossible right now. Just you implying I haven't tried any of it is highly irritating. It's close to setting off the Rage, which is odd, because I've forced myself to go numb.
Love is not a distraction. Obviously, everyone here has missed Vora's memo when he spoke on hate and love. Hate is useless. Wastes time. Those people you hate aren't worth your attention. Love is powerful. You literally have a physical need for close contact with other humans, like, skin to skin. It releases a chemical in your brain that keeps it from basically rotting and going insane. This girl is the source of the only regular physical contact for me in years. It's quite literally impossible for me to stay away from her for too long. Either I get another girlfriend, which is highly unlikely in this city, or I fix this one. Quickly. I can already feel chunks of my mind drifting away from me, and my body starting to break down. In fact, as I write this, I can feel pain blossoming in my diaphragm, my fingers are starting to get twitchy, and I'm having muscle spasms in my arms and back. Minor ones, but they're there. When all is said and done, either I'll be a kinder person, blasphemy, I know, or far, far more cruel. Unimaginable, no? Posted by: Parone92« on: April 16, 2012, 05:59:57 am »You can still manage to meditate Albel, it's not physically impossible right?. in that sense, you can attempt in the least turn those emotions into energy that can be used for other things.. It's worked for me.
But I'm sorry for your heartache man, and i can feel your pain as I've gone through it myself. but true love is a distraction after all man >.> I still wish you luck chasing after dawn, and can say fight for her either be sly like Alex mentioned or just be persistent and prove her wrong. Posted by: BlackRain« on: April 14, 2012, 05:26:41 am »He hasn't had any of his treatments, medicines, or surgeries, so, for the time being, he's still dying. Having Stage 3 colon cancer doesn't exactly denote health.
Posted by: CrazyHobo« on: April 13, 2012, 10:42:01 pm »I thought Michael was recovering...
Posted by: BlackRain« on: April 13, 2012, 08:34:58 am »Everything except the fact she can't control her emotions, and won't let me fix her brain.
Her scent, her voice, her way of thought, the look she gets in her eyes, her humor... God damn it, this is making my chest hurt. Posted by: Mustang MKIII« on: April 13, 2012, 08:32:48 am »No, it's alright. I understand what you're thinking. I just... I don't think you understand how much I love this girl. For the past four hours, I've been in a constant state of being nanometers from tears.What about her do you love? Posted by: BlackRain« on: April 13, 2012, 08:32:26 am »I honestly don't know what to say right now. There's a thousand things bolting through my head right now, and each one is even more depressing or rage-inducing than the last.
Posted by: Superchaos2585« on: April 13, 2012, 08:14:01 am » Just leave her be. I've been in this same situation. I don't date for dating. I date for it to be "the one." Just give her time, and try to act disinterested. I know how rough it is, belieeeeve me.
We have a few other paralells as well worth mentioning. We have 7, sometimes 8 people here, until recently only my father worked. My mother and sister literally JUST got jobs. My mom has dealt with thyroid desease, lung, breast, and oral cancers. All within the last 5 years. She started smoking again too. I've been sticking to the cree "If you're a genuinely good person, good things will come." And recently, it's begun working. You may have to put a lot of effort in, but it all pays off. You can't run away. You just have to keep pushing through with the mental toughness of a thouroughbred. Posted by: BlackRain« on: April 13, 2012, 07:46:10 am »No, it's alright. I understand what you're thinking. I just... I don't think you understand how much I love this girl. For the past four hours, I've been in a constant state of being nanometers from tears.
Were it any other woman, I would agree. I would say, to their face, that they aren't worth my time. But I don't date unless I know I'll care deeply about the other person, and it seems I hit just a little too close to the bullseye this round... Posted by: Mustang MKIII« on: April 13, 2012, 07:02:56 am »Honestly it sounds like Dawn isn't worth your time. That conversation you posted just makes it sound like she wants nothing to do with you. Maybe you shouldn't worry yourself with her at this time?
P.S. Sorry if you didn't want advice or you don't like what I've said. Posted by: BlackRain« on: April 13, 2012, 05:21:09 am »I figure it's time for me to actually tell you guys what's going on with me...
Starting from the top... My stepfather has cancer, I have eight people living in the same house, only two of us have jobs and one is part-time, I'm the only one who ever works around the house, I get asked to do everything, the Rage is getting unbearable, I haven't seen my best friend in almost a year, and I have night terrors like I've never had before. All this was made manageable by the fact that my girlfriend, Dawn, stuck by me and weathered my fits of rage, and bouts of depression. Then we started arguing, and try as I might, I couldn't get her to see reason, as she'd stopped even looking at me when we were together, and I was trying to rectify this. Let me explain more clearly, along with giving you some background... Two years ago, I was basically broken by a woman I loved - still love - and I told Dawn this, you know, because I trust her, I love her, and I wanted no secrets between us. Obviously, this was a mistake. She took it that I'm tempted to go back to Kyo, the other girl, and she's not wrong, but I'll get to the reasoning behind that in a moment. Suffice it to say, when she took this wrongly, she was upset, and I didn't want Kyo then. I wanted Dawn. Only Dawn. I can't help it if I still love one of my exes. I tried to make her see reason on this, too... Most people don't think clearly when they're upset, so... She got it stuck in her head that I wasn't hers, and only hers, until she saw fit to cast me out like a spent cartridge. Now, don't misunderstand, I caused a few problems in here too, but they were all magnified and made worse by her being irrationally upset. She started drifting away. Getting more distant. Stopped looking at me when I was talking to her. Getting angry when I wanted to talk to her without her saying something first. Confronted her about it. Started a string of fights that lasted a month. My chest pains came back viciously. She suggested more distance. I nearly broke right then. 'How can you suggest more distance, Dawn, when that's what is causing these problems in the first place?' I asked. The only answer I got was more anger. Now, she's left me while my stepfather is dying, our bills are piling up, and my family is falling apart around me. She finally told me the problem, or so she percieves it. She's scared of me. Her friends are scared of me. Her family is scared of me. They all think I want to hurt her. Nothing could be further from the truth, yet she doesn't believe me, because she doesn't me, because she has issues dealing with the fact I still care for an old flame. She gets pissed when I'm around her and I'm upset that she left me. She gets pissed when I'm upset over anything. In fact, this morning, she got angry at me for asking her why I amused her. The conversation went exactly like this, and I quote... 'Me: Morning. 6:44 Me: *sigh* Alright. Whatever. See you in the cafeteria. 7:04 Dawn: Heh ok 7:04 Me: What was the heh for? 7:04 Dawn: You're amusing 7:08 Me: How so? 7:08 Dawn: Never mind 7:09 Me: Love... just tell me. 7:09 Dawn: Forget it. I didn't know me laughing was such a big deal. 7:10 Me: No, I'm not upset. I just want to know why you laughed. I don't see anything particularly amusing in that message, so I want to understand it. 7:11 Me: How can I **** something so simple as asking you why I'm amusing? Good gods, I really can't do anything right. I was just assking why I amused you with that. I'm sorry if it came off as being condescending or whatever. Just **** curious why you laughed. 7:21 Me: I'm sorry for upsetting you. Tell me when you want to see me. 7:33 Dawn: I don't care if you're here just quit texting me 7:45 Me: I noticed you don't care, thanks. Talk to you when you feel like it. One more thing; I love you. 7:50 Dawn: Yeah awesome. QUIT TEXTING ME 7:53 Me: I don't even know what I did to **** you off. But whatever. Goodbye. 7:54' Directly from my phone. Honestly, I'm so damned exhausted I'm ready to just stick a blade in my heart and be done with it all. My stress levels have got to nearly doubled since I last took any sort of test on it, and more **** just keeps coming in and in and in and in and in and in and **** in! I can't even train right anymore. I haven't meditated in **** months. I haven't sleept more than eight hours at a time without waking up or having a nightmare in years. My body aches constantly, all over, I can literally feel my sanity slipping between my fingers, and I'm not even sure I care anymore. So, to sum it all up, I have just one question... WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH THIS PLACE? >.< God damn, Azle is just... ****! Is **** wretched. Posted by: BlackRain« on: April 07, 2012, 06:23:20 am »Don't worry about it then. Would hate to bother another person with this.
Posted by: CrazyHobo« on: April 06, 2012, 11:30:58 pm »even though I'm having my first state exam in a week, I shall try as often as possible.
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